Offspring Recap: Fifty Shades of Stupid Plot Device Grey

To kick off, apologies for the delayed recap. I was at a function thing, and then arrived home mid-way through the episode and three sheets to the chardonnay wind, and not ready to recap after a troubling ending (not mine, the episode.)

We start the episode with the Proudman sisters attempting to work out, hoping, irrationally that by working out the day before their big events, it will make all the difference. Billie, when chatting with the gym dude, is super honest, Nina in denial. And we’re all left wondering why either one of them are actually at a gym, but neither of them needs to work out – ever!

Can you believe we have to actually exercise for this 'joke' to work?

The Proudman vortex continues to drag people in one by one, with Doc Dad and Patrick’s sister now meeting up and planning a reunion, which when Nina hears of this freaks her out! She drops by Fitzroy Jesus cafe to apologise for the sleeping with the ex-boyfriend and then having ex-boyfriend interrupt their night of fishes and loaves and gospel scriptures. But he’s perked up today and doesn't share a Jesus like compassion, or offer any forgiveness.

No, you can't have a discount on the Coffee Keeper Cups.

Doc Martin is trying to be all relaxed and cool in an effort to lure Cherie to his DNA but of course it’s weird and over the top. Lachy Hulme though is hilarious and continues to be an underrated asset of the Offspring wider family.

With this lustrious mane, she still doesn't want to sex me up. It's crazy man!

Patrick and Nina run through the top moments of their relationship by having a stilted conversation in the locker room. He questions why she is moving strangely (which she is, because apparently a bit of rowing, then treadmill will put your back out). I think she’s moving strangely because you broke her heart, Clam Patrick.

Um, this is awkward, but I've always hated your scarves. Just wanted to say it.

Mick has turned into shady, non information husband and it annoys the CRAP out of me. Where is the man who wanted to marry her desperately, he who stood up to his bitchface mother and dealt with their infertility with equal parts emotion and honesty. I wonder, would the story for this season have been laid down differently if Kat Stewart’s pregnancy hadn't sent her to New Zealand for so long.

Zara of the independence and don’t even think about helping me, is back on deck and spends a few scenes dismissing and almost physically repealing any attempt to assist her with this new motherhood caper, be it emotional or actual help.

Patrick and Nina deliver a baby together (top moment 8) and a few tense moments of maybe the baby is stuck, give way to happy birth and to GIANT ENORMOUS HIT YOU ON THE HEAD foreshadowing that Nina is preggers.

Shall we call her Foreshadowing or Renesmee?

And we're out on the Chris Havel Balcony (top moment 16). Nina lets slip that they're heading out bowling to fare Patrick well and there is some sexy 'pulled your shoulder' chat. Basically a lot of saying nothing when there is everything to say, so really, it’s business as usual for these two.

Back at Nigella Billie Lawson's house of fancy dinner, Feisty Orange and kid rock up with a new Rocket 2 as a present. It's a super loaded present of family awkwardness and I think this even before Billie mentions it.

I bought a new dog, did you buy a new dog Billie? Didn't think so.

Mick then remembers that after Billie spent hours cooking, their guests are vegetarians. Of course, Feisty is super nice about it but Mick seems not too upset that he’s wasted his wife’s attempt to make friends. There is more awkward we're so alike and yet so different and Mick does fuck all because he clearly doesn’t want his future infidelity complicated by, you know, seeing the two women together and getting along.

Last time I listen to Donna Hay - stupid lemon water

After Feisty Orange is gone, Rocket 2 causes friction and then Mick overreacts about Billie's standard style questioning, then turns into a jackass by trying to lump this on her and making it a Billie issue and acting like he’s all cool and not guilty of wanting to jump Feisty Orange. The following day, Mick becomes an even bigger jackass by passively aggressively returning Rocket 2 and then huffily telling her he is going to tour with Feisty, lump it or leave it. JERK!

Excuse me while I get my dickhead t-shirt, so it can match my I am a jerk pants.

At bowling, there is great disappointment on my part that they don't join in the chorus of Let's Bowl from Grease 2.

Patrick the Bowler!: I wanna Score Tonight.

After a bowling montage that must have been fun to film, we get awkward goodbye speeches and Nina nuttiness. We also have continued Doc Martin trying to be cool until Nurse Kim of Truth, calls him on it and I still don't believe Cherie is being such a douchebag about this. Finally in the last few seconds of the episode after not really seeing each other all season Cherie springs it on Darcy that she wants his spawn again. Because looking around her at the Proudman mania, she is totally not scared of reproducing more of this type of hyper aware crazy.

Don't forget Cherie, I was this big!

After a fake out hug between Nina and Patrick we get a catch up in the car park and the iPhone of Doom beckons with a friendly Patrick wanting a proper goodbye. They bond over their interfering relatives.

Smiles, laughs, lemonade - HAPPY FREAKING TIMES!

And then we launch into the most annoying conversation, that inspires season one level of frustration that I have with Offspring. Patrick talks about the fact that his sister has a black and white view (bullshit!), and that their relationship is more grey. I’ll you what Patrick and Nina, it’s Fifty Shades of Stupid Dumb Grey. They both agree that while they intensely, deeply, love each other – this love brings out the worst in each of them. Which is news to me! We only saw the worst Patrick when he thought after getting Nina back, that he'd lost her again. So basically he is at his worst without her! And Nina, while justified in calling him on his shit and breaking up with him, isn’t exactly a mess when she’s with him.

Even saying the line hurts me.

In fact, we did see some genuine growth and development from these two early this season and while issues needed to be addressed, I honestly don’t buy this line bullshit, and I wasn’t alone in this. So much so the writer had to justify the line on twitter today and the justification actually, for me, made it worse. It became a ‘drama’ in the way Grey’s Anatomy in the later seasons has become, moving people in and out of relationships for ‘drama’ and ‘tension’. It’s happening with Mick and Billie and it’s happening with Nina and Patrick and they’re doing a piss poor job of completely justifying the character's choices for both couples, for me. People can stay together and have interesting and real problems without breaking up or cheating!! PHEW rant over.

Meanwhile, Poor Zara, has a complete furniture break down and realises that she can’t do it alone. Zara then heads to the lost souls Mecca aka the Proudmans house, and curls up to The Brother seeking both physical comfort and the warming shell of living with your ex-boyfriend's parent and colleague's family. The following day as the usual cacophony of Proudman madness occurs, Zara wakes up and confronts them all and opens a mega truth bomb on everyone! I LOVE HER, I want her to live there forever if this is the kind of Proudman honesty we're going to get. In fact, I kind of want her to recap the show instead of me. She'd do it in three sentences and make perfect sense of it all, while I'm still busy banging my head against my iPad.

Dear Proudmans Extended: SORT YOUR SHIT OUT!

Nina spies on Fitzroy Jesus and then confronts him, explaining now is not the time for them both. Again Fitzroy Jesus, is a little less forgiving, a little bit more having of a spine. He does cave a little, but then Nina, at his urging for the truth and not cliché, gives my favourite break up line of all time 'your niceness will forever be exploited and you'll be eternally frustrated.'

Post break up, Nina returns home for a bath of discovery and becomes a TV/movie cliché the world over by checking her diary to see if she missed a period!! As in she writes the letter P in her diary - right next to the scribbled love heart of her name under Harry Styles. Seriously, who does this?!

P is for period, P is for pregnancy, P is for Patrick!

And secondly, CALLED IT!!!! ABSOLUTELY CALLED THIS PREGNANCY PLOT DEVICE WEEKS AGO.

Offspring Recap: It's On, Like Nina and Patrick Donkey Kong

It's back at the Hospital for poor little early born Peanut Proudman and everyone is keeping a watchful concerned eye over The Brother, including dressing him through his semi catatonic state. It's nice to see the nutty Proudmans actually, you know, function as a family - before the credits even.

Peanut has no name yet and there are some truly awful suggestions including Tyronne. Nina tells us and Billie that Zara hasn't visited the bubs yet. Billie decides the volcano has not only screwed up the first part of our season but also causes her to miss much including where Nina stands with Patrick and Fitzroy Jesus, who had invited himself over to cook dinner - if he brings water and it later becomes wine, I'm calling the Catholic Church.

This whole volcano crap has really tested my patience Billie!

Zara, who I don't have the heart to call Nurse Nasty anymore, is severely depressed and does not want to see Peanut. Meanwhile, out of no where Cherie decides that she wants to have a baby which Doc Martin which of course he has overheard and we're all heading to panic stations.

Back at Billie and Mick's house we've got sheet changings with a side of slight fighty times, Billie being usually herself about having a baby and London loved up Andrew not being available and Mick not charmed it, as he used to be.

Supportive Patrick tries to help The Brother and seems to be in a better place, we know this by more smiling. Meanwhile Nina tries not to interfere but still pops into Zara's room and is uncomfortable/chatty and somehow feels weird arm yoga movements will encourage Zara to want to breast feed. It does nothing but remind us that there is big question mark over Nina's general professionalism.

Flustered, Nina heads to the Chris Havel Memorial Balcony to chill and spots Patrick staring broodily into the distance downstairs on a park bench, and then witnesses Billie approaches and Nina freaks out - with an extra dose of arm flapping.

All together now: Y, M, C, A! It's fun to stay at the...

Billie confronts Patrick with her one word: piss weak. And then unloads in the most amazing awesome truth bomb ever. It's so Billie brilliance that we need to repeat it here:

Billie: You're a coward. The volcano's have many sides effects Patrick, one of which is that I've gained some perspective. I see you, being the supportive support person when it's suits you, you know showing up all the time with the family, being there for the Jimmy but as soon as things get a bit intense or maybe a little deep or challenging, you run a mile.
Patrick: What are you talking about Billie?
Billie: NINA! Yes, she is a ridiculous nuerotic, yes, she can be extremely painful to be around but she is also fantastic, and wonderful and you are piss-space-weak for not wanting to be with her because oh, she might want to get a little bit serious, maybe a bit long term even. You need to man up Patrick, you need to get over your past, your hangups and your man child tendancies and man-space-up.

Hey Broody McBrooderson, it's truth time now bitch!

Ladies of Australia on your feet because that is some damn fine record straight setting by Billie Proudman!! (Insert slow crescendo to thunderous clapping here).

What? These soul searching eyes of love are too much?

Passive aggressive Patrick decides to bait Nina with his whole I'm so not in the wrong here and totally enrages Nina and her internal narrator. Nina, the girl we love, follows Patrick to his new green house and he is totally expecting her, sipping away at his red wine and LOVING this verbal foreplay and how he knows he can push Nina's buttons and then he puts down the glass, raises the sexiest hint of an eyebrow (seriously Matt Le Nevez, that is some sexy suggestiveness you've got going) and gets busy actually pushing Nina's buttons but you know, in a good sexy, breaking pots way. And oh yeah, that Patrick tattoo of sexy times is back! I'm not religious but can I get an AMEN!



All of these images are required, as is the zoom in.



 Doc Martin hits up Cherie for some no condom baby making times and uses some interesting language to get there. Cherie is freaked out by this because apparently saying it out loud and declaring a non-jokey fashion that you want another baby, freaks you out when someone actually offers to help make it happen.

Mick is at the bar looking a little depressed for my liking and Billie suggests a date but Mick has rehearsal. Billie says maybe the universe is suggesting a chill out and not rush the baby time but just be happy. Billie meets Feisty Orange and it's weird and awkward and ends with a forehead kiss from Mick that says everything. Billie senses weirdness and returns for a spy session in which she sees Mick bonding with Feisty Orange's kid.

Beer and kisses! Not Feisty Orange moping.

Meanwhile Patick's sister walks in on the action but quickly evacuates - why we couldn't see something, I don't know Offspring producers! A little later Fitzroy Jesus calls and interrupts the green sheet love fest. Nina scrambles to answer iPhone of Doom and Patrick completely shuts down because apparently Nina should have closed her legs, heart and mind in a period of mourning instead having nice soup from Fitzroy Jesus.

How do you like your loaves and fishes? Also PS I invited 5,000

Fitzroy Jesus is waiting in an AWFUL brown shirt which convinces me he is Jesus. Na lets him in and he notices her glow, and her lovely smell and she frazzles out. Nina fantasizes several ways out of her dilemma including fire alarm escape. Saved by iPhone of Doom, a distraught Billie is at her front door and with her sixth sense she decide Nina has had sex. Just as she tries to shush Billie, another knock at the door and it's Patrick who is the perfect combo that women can't stay away from - confident in their hot sex while you try and resist because it is the right thing to do all the while knowing you want them!

We totally did; lots. Good luck matching that Fitzroy Jesus.

In hijinks of actual fun and not forced zany fun everyone ends up at the front door step with Billie and Fiztroy Jesus interrupting Patick and Nina's increasingly loud fight. Patrick dislocates his shoulder while attempting to gain entry into his own house. Nina is then awesome and helps put it back into place with clinical precision and Patrick is awesome for his expletives and his pissy naming calling.

You should have seen what positions we were in earlier!

Billie catches up with Fitzroy Jesus for should have been Nina's dinner and he consoles her with his wisdom and advice. He does resist offering her communion, save that for later. Billie also doesn't deny that Nina pretty much still wants Patrick big time.

Mick arrives home late and Billie is semi-asleep and suggests a meet up with Feisty Orange. They do pash with intent to have sex, but the conversation prior is loaded with undertones and overtones and just general tones and the whole thing stinks as much as the giant ash cloud of plot device.

Doc Martin catches up with Patrick,  checking that he didn't take the pain meds, cause that's a slippery slope and we're a little over that oddly referenced plot of the past.

Zara finally looks at iPhone footage of her baby who The Brother very sweetly suggests a name with A at start of the alphabet because of the rough alphatbet induced pain Zara was sure to have suffered. Also because it's a step towards her accepting Peanut.

Doc Martin presents Cherie with a cup of semen, but then she bails out on conceiving a sibling, indicating she wants fuck up the Proudman family some more by actually have Darcy be the Father of Baby 2 because you know, that won't be at ALL COMPLICATED! Seriously Cherie, what the fuck lady?

I kind of want to be in the show again, so I'm going crazy nuts.

The next day at work Nina makes an apology call to Fitzroy Jesus and Patrick broodily overhears and then apologizes to Fitzroy Jesus via Nina and demures that he is off next week, early job switch and impending deadline of love.

I need help bathing, any takers?!

Zara finally visits the baby and The Brother almost earns his name back by being awesome and knowing all the medical terms for Peanut's progress and Zara decides to name Peanut Alfie which is pretty cute. In the happiness of a cute name Nina turns to Patrick for smiles but he has gone!

Offspring Recap: Proudman's Are Like The Bermuda Triangle

Last week: we meet Saint Adam (who I am still convinced is Jesus in disguise) and makes the promo so we know he is sticking around. We are also reminded of Patrick's super sad lost baby just before birth backstory.

We begin with Billie skyping away from the labour ward of hell known as Ash Cloud New Zealand. (At this stage, she could applying residency) Major foreshadowing that Nina is pregnant with Billie commenting that she lookes super tired and also has big boobs.

Dear Gossip Girl, I think I know someone who is knocked up

The entire Proudman family is hard core for Nina to get it on/off with Saint Adam. Mama Proudman seems put off that people responded badly to her sleeping around and bringing Doc Dad to family functions - not insensitive at all. She then nails the hammer down hard in Nina's mental confidence coffin by telling her that the sex that conceived her was horrifically bad. We now know where the Brother gets his sheer and utter madness from. Doc Dad turns up just as Nina has declared that it's weird and uncomfortable how he is still trying to shag Mama Proudman. Papa Proudman is moments away so Offspring hilarity ensues with front door entries/back door escapes. It's a testament to Asher Keddie's acting skills that she sells the hilarity of climbing in and out the window as a cover story.

Just here to collect my Logie for physical comedy

Darcy, who earns his character name back by being rational and sensible, requests Mama Proudman not see Doc Dad and bring him to family events because it's weird for everyone.

Back at the Proudman Family hospital, Nina and Patrick have a passive aggressive conversation in which they both pretend to not care but actually care desperately about each other.

"You don't have a $1.50, I'm dying for Salt'n'Vinegar'

The Brother is UNO distracting the baby drama from Nurse Nasty and Nina has to push him away from being himself! Nurse Nasty also mentions to Nina, hands off her baby belly, she'd rather Doc Martin do it. Apparently Nina's stitch work isn't that great. Shockingly though, The Brother has become aware of Feisty Orange and Mick's connection but no one else seems to be.

In Feisty Orange and Mick land, she is passive aggressive goading him into touring. He attempts to raise the almost kiss and she is all, nothing happened while giving him sexy seductive eyes. Yeah nothing happening at all!

See how soft and pretty my hair is, pick me!

Back at work, Nina gets a weirdness email from Patrick, declaring he wants her to back off and stop pretending their getting back together. On her way to confront him she meets Mrs Ex McBroody in the hallway. I know you should never discount fellas for previous marriages but Nina really hits the highs of returning ex-wife boyfriends.

I'm looking for the Chris Havel Memorial Balcony.

Ex-wife reveals she is married and has kids and is just saying Hi whilst in town. Then hubbie turns up, and Patrick seconds later arrives and 'we're not together' politeness ensues. Patrick tries to blame the email snafu on misdirected email and really Patrick, we've all been there. Saint Adam phones in to offer a date and Nina, much like her mother, folds faster a deck of cards to a date she might not want to go on.

So this is the broody sexy first husband I'll always live in the shadow of?

Mama Proudman basically has a date with Doc Dad in which she slams his sexual abilities to a bloody pulp and he decides not to run humilated but beg for another chance - using research and his independent sexy study as a bait.

Nina just before her date, receives an apology phone call for Patrick's sister re the email mixup but really, it's just making it worse. Nina then starts the date by almost being strangled to death by her scarves. Her dinner though with Saint Adam in the right amount of awkward and promising fella but in dual narrative is the Patrick date - which of course means Patrick shadows everything Nina does.

Dates with Jesus include water to wine dancing

Patrick has a date with his ex wife and sister in which they brow beat him for basically being him. Fair call ladies. Pregnant ex-wife is very kind with her we use to be together but now I've moved on catch up. She does though present him with a really badly timed baby album of their dead son and he almost breaks down in the pub poor guy! Location wise, she could have at least waited til the carpark. However, she seems settled and not over it but at least dealing with it far more conductively than Patrick.

You wanna make me cry in front of hipster Melbournians? Bitch!

 Nurse Nasty is in labour and amazingly needs The Brother to lean on both physically and emotionally. The Brother basically guilt shames Nina into cheating biology and making the delivery work - I'm sorry Brother, you'll nee Saint Adam/Jesus to be there for a miracle. Cherie drops the bomb that she broke Doc Martin in sex acts that require him to now wear a neck brace - Cherie always finding a way to ruin Proudman family moments.

Is this an important Proudman moment? I'd like to ruin it with my sex life.

 In surgery, Nina gets to cutting and Nurse Nasty freaks out but is soothed and enjoys The Brother and his lameness. Billie arrives back from the Ash Cloud and in two seconds reminds me how much we've missed her and her cab bashing awesome.

BILLIE!!!!!!!!!!!

The baby is born and isn't looking great but after a few tense moments, we get breathing and The Brother doesn't break my heart by having a dead baby. Patrick is extra relieved and is the bow that breaks his emotional wall? God damn I hope so.

Nina decompresses post surgery and Patrick consoles her. She admits that maybe she is going to date Adam and that they broke up through laziness and not trying hard to work on their relationship. She basically doesn't want to hurt anymore and Patrick the clam that he is shuts down especially when given the opportunity to express emotion.

Can you remember the words to my theme song, I'm Emotionally Shut Off?

Nurse Nasty has a break down post op that is heartbreaking because she knows all the facts about her premature baby's chances. Patrick and Nurse Kym (who is totally AWESOME all series but really gets my love) sit with her and try to be there for her.

Who me? I'm being awesome every episode.

Billie returns and it's truly a happy moment and it reminds me how much I would have cut bitches had Mick cheated with Feisty Orange. Billie brings a pressie for Baby Peanut and is awesome.

The one and only person you're pashing Mr Perfect!

Nina returns home from nightmare day and Saint Adam is waiting with soup and his Jesus ways. Which of course after McBroody Patrick is just warm and inviting and friendly. The episode ends with Nina toasting new baby with Jesus and I'll say it again, FORESHADOWING Nina's pregnant! We've got three episodes left people, it's SO going to happen!

I insist! Let's bless this food.

Next week sexy times return for Patrick and Nina and a triumphant return of the green sheets!

Offspring Recap: The Morning After Asher Keddie is Awesome

It’s the morning after, the BIG night and guess what people, we’re back in a bed to start the episode off – I seriously want Offspring producers/writers/ someone to confirm for me if this was a deliberate plan for this season. Nina wakes up, spread across the stranger’s bed and looks suitably mortified and mascara eyed (nothing worse that the Hollywood, I look terrible because one piece of hair has been teased).

Oh Dear GOD! Please be someone hot.

And she is feeling crap! Immediately seeking the tap of hangover relief and then clothes. Whoever Nina decided to have a one night stand, I applaud her ability to pick up an apparent hipster with money. The cafe down stairs could be handy Nina so don’t dismiss so easily, okay?

No judgement here: we've all been there.

Nina barely remembers the possible chips/souvlaki man - wow, picking up the only rich hipster food truck work, gold star work Nina. With flashbacks we learn Nina did in fact make it home and again, and Asher Keddie's commitment to this entire drunken night sequence is awesome and is capped off by the true laugh out loud reveal that she hits up the homeless shelter for food. Well done Offspring writers!

Adam the very kindly cafe/soup kitchen worker /saint who is never around when this happens to me (which it doesn't ever Mum, I hear things, from my other sisters) is catching Nina up on her nigh. In a nutshell she hits all the stages of perfect drunk-ness including tipsy home drinks, tree climbing physical comedy, awkward let’s not have sex talk, weeping my Dad isn’t my Dad confessions and post morning shame, empty wallet-ness and hunger in equal measures. (PS are my friends secretly writing for Offspring because the ‘I salute you is ripped straight from our late evening antics. Again, Mum, just stories, not me!) 

It's always such a good idea

Back in the present day, Patrick dials Mum, semi-worriedly looking for Nina while other things happen in the Proudman house that I'm not even going to discuss. The Brother, tribal: WTF!

Patrick chats it up with the nurses, still seeking Nina’s whereabouts and publically tests his theory that she is not avoiding his calls by ringing iPhone of Doom from the work desk and of courses Saint Adam answers. Without really explaining Saint Adam is awesome by giving details and sending Patrick a tizz, then a followup call back by Cherie, who also seems put off that Saint Adam knows intimate details of their lives.

Hello? This is the last man in Nina's pants speaking.

Nina arrives at work in her Saint Adam outfit and while trying to take subtle steps, attracts everyone's attention. Patrick follows and quizzes her with flirty/jealous questions. Damn it, Patrick, you and that sexy locker room grin have no business in Nina's bedroom stories.  Saint Adam arrives to return her iPhone of Doom and its mega awkward weird! Patrick does not respond well, the nurses however LOVE it.  Adam finds all the crazy zany antics from Nina, like all men before him, alluring and wants to see more of our girl. I’m very glad they label this show as fictional, because seriously.

What? Oh this subtle doctor guns right here, yep, all me baby.

After Saint Adam leaves, Patrick behaves like dick and is petty and name calling as he and Nina discuss more key snafus.

It's Patrick calling from Coward Town and Petty Phone Call Company

Feisty Orange is back for a 'gig' aka the Proudman family get togethers and major events excuse. After a minor insult from Mick, she opens the truth sass packet and this is more bonding bridge building that leads to affair town and I will not live there Offspring, just let it be known.

I can't believe New Zealand can't sort their shit out either!

 PS The Brother bullshit, is simply that, bullshit and fine he maybe learning to grow up FINALLY but three seasons and apartment break ins and penis tug necklace jokes too late.

Of course, Mama Proudman craziness includes inviting everyone in all of human history to this gig, including Doc Dad. Seriously, why didn't they invite Nina's non-biological runner up Dad and his family from a few episodes back. After a minor melt down, Nina checks her messages and there a few more messages of Patrick ringing many times to check on her. It's sad and sweet and tortured and just our perfect flavor of Patrick.

Dear Asher Keddie: you made this episode your bitch.

The Pub of Revelation has been dumped for the Northcote hotel, which has just skyrocketed in cool factor, thanks Offspring. Now people are going to try and justify Northcote to me. All the usual family drama occurs, nutshell: Mama Proudman totally effed up the Dad's getting together and along situation.

Everyone in Nina's life possibly ever has turned up (my invitation got lost in the mail), including Saint Adam, or is this possibly lonely Jesus? Evidence: do gooding off the charts and a seeming lack of friends and lots of free time.

Lonely Jesus and Nina friend-zoning

Patrick of courses chooses this moment to return keys and possibly ask to reunite with Nina, from his walk with intent. To the soundtrack of Feisty Orange's very appropriate song, we watch Patrick face a challenge with Nina and turn away in fear of hurt. Ok in the past I've mostly taken Patrick's side in the couple debates but here Patrick, you are a coward and if you don't man up and grow a pair of love balls then losing Nina is totally your fault.

In two minutes, I will cave like a wimp and run from the big emotions

Despite moving locations, it appears the Proudmans can’t enter any watering hole without drama, so Nurse Nasty goes into early labour. She is fine but needs close monitoring. The Brother is shaken up, but silver lining, it thankfully seems to have almost stopped a Feisty Orange/Mick pash.

You cut that gazing out Mister Perfect -  RIGHT NOW!

Then due to Ten's weird ad placement we seem to end abruptly again this week and next week, Offspring continues its run of scaring potential mothers with pregnant and delivery dramas coming for Nurse Nasty and The Brother.