Offspring Recap: My Dad, Your Dad, Everyone's Dad

It is bad people, we know that already because Nina is in scarf mode. But fake out - within two seconds we are into dream sequences with possible Dads for Nina showing up at the hospital of her dreams.

For the third episode in a row we return to nutty Nina in bed with infinitely patient Patrick. That is a 100% accuracy of shirtless Patrick in my book. He makes a joke then pulls her in for a pash. Season Three is Patrick MVP.

Sadly, not what you want this scene to be about.

We return to find Nina and Patrick leafing through the actual newspaper for rentals. Apparently Patrick was too busy putting little plants in milk containers and hanging from his garden wall to hear about this nifty thing called realestate.com.au (this is rectified later).

When you're not here I go nuts in the garden!

iPhone of Doom rings and Nina, the masochist that she answers it! Billie of course has completely researched the two potential Dad's and wants Nina to get on board the investigation train of which Nina strictly does not want to board. Guess where Nina will be found in 25 minutes.

Patrick and Nina are at an inspection and there are FREAKIN GREEN TREES on the bedspread –RUN Patrick, don’t succumb to the green disease. In the midst of this we get an all time iPhone of doom ring count with the entire family wanting Nina's choice. Nutty Proudmans.

Andrew the brother is pashing and almost sexing Mick's business partner, Tim. There is some sperm discussion and timing and a nice nervous Andrew trying to explain to eager partner who is all for sexing for sperm so he offers a hand to help the donation process but it's all background noise really.

Billie's meddling means one of potential Nina Dad's is at the real estate office. Nina, at another inspection, seems to have moved to New York because apparently this one is a sub let. It’s popular though and they decide they want it.

The neighbours will love shirtless Dr Pat

Billie explains how she stalked Potential Nina Dad by pretending to be interested in the property.  Nina abandons house hunting with Patrick to go meet potential Dad no. 1 at the pub with Billie and Mama Proudman. Not surprisingly awkwardness ensues. They have to break it to potential dad no.1 that he might not be the only Dad. Sadly unlike Mamma Mia there is no song and dance routine to sort this out. However, blood types quickly rule out Dad 1 as he is like Darcy, an AB. Again Nina rules out finding real Dad and again we can guess exactly what will happen.

Patrick and Nina catch up on the couch, and he presents her the fully furnished New York loft apartment as theirs. A worrying lack of green plants, sheets or towels does concern me. Thankfully catching up on the couch actually turns into a euphemism.

Who knew Domain.com was such a turn on?

The Brother is being the most annoying brother during him and Nasty Nurse ultrasound so I'm ignoring it.

Nina of course goes to Doc Dad medical centre and just as she is about to chicken out runs into Doc Dad so decides to see him anyway. Nina fakes a story and you can see in her eyes that every little bit of small talk is an anvil of 'this is my father. ' Of course he asks her about her family medical history and just about sends Nina in a spiralling verbal meltdown. It all comes apart when she hands over the Medicare card with her real name and before you know it Doc Dad is all I knew a Proudman. Betcha you did Doc Dad? Nina again folds like a cheap deck chair and reveals that Geraldine is her Mum, leaving Doc Dad utterly confused and a little suspicious. That's how I feel about the Proudman family.

Do you a prescription for the Proudman Family insanity?

Nina returns home to a smouldering Patrick who has become this episode’s exposition character.   He soothes her wounds so well that Nina ignores Billie and the iPhone of Doom to get busy.

Hello There!