It's Almost Time to Offspring and Top 5 Scandal Moments to Get You Hooked

We've got less than a week to go people! I sadly missed the 24 hour period that the first episode was available on Facebook to see for free but Fee, in comments of my last post tells me that she watched and it's good! I'm kind of glad to be going in fresh, although I have been reading last seasons recaps just remind myself of the plot and also the lingo I'm attempting to make happen. We can't the Chris Havel Memorial Balcony just be a balcony - then Chris would have moved to Brisbane in VAIN!

I was asked on Twitter (I'm @FlossAus) if I'll be live tweeting the episodes and yes, I probably will be but I also write my first draft of the recap as the episode airs so I'm a little slower on the draw. Basically Ten really need to get me a episode preview so I can live tweet then immediately post my recap.

All this is just to say, yep, Wednesday is firmly in my calendar, I'm excited, although I can already see that the costume department might want to work on Nina's fake bump as it's awfully basketball in the promo shots.

Yes, Mrs Proudman, you have a lot of questions to answer!

While you're waiting for Offspring to return, can I suggest watching Scandal. It's a Shonda Rimes show at the season two pinnacle of a Shonda Rimes show. Remember how amazingly addictive Grey's Anatomy was in Season 2. Meredith, McDreamy and his wife were duking it out, there were bombs threats, dying Denny's and just already soap opera heightened emotions of good times.

This is that, but more! It's super speed paced, tear through plot, sexy as all bugger and with AMAZING clothes instead of scrubs. Quick pitch: Kerry Washington is a crisis management in DC but also in love/sleeping with The President. His wife is a class A bitch and his chief of staff manipulatively brilliant. There is lots of double crossing, betrayals and secrets but it's fun and a great way to zoom through an hour while attractive people bicker articulately and then sex it up in Oval Office.

My Top 5 Moments to Hook You:

During a flashback to the campaign, we see how Liv can sleep with him but still go toe to toe when she needs to. Also Tony Goldwyn does hot sexy enraged so well!



Another flashback, this is one of those epic declarations of love of two people who are in it too fiercely but lord is that intensity sexy.


So they'd planned to stop sleeping together when he got to the White House and then it he got all 'roll up my sleeves and look sexily at the Oval Office desk.'



They do stop and she leaves the White House to set up Pope and Associates, which is the present that the series is set. Another fierce fight/romantic moment that this show deals in on a daily basis.



And this flashback clip here (YT won't let me embed, silly YouTube) of how the flirting goes just a little bit further, again in an incredibly hot WAY.

Girls: You'll Hate it Til You Don't

I was semi-bullied into watching the first season of HBO’s headline grabbing Girls. Seriously, someone offered me a full refund on the entire season if I watched it all and then still hated it. And from the articles I’d read and vitriolic reaction I’d seen on social media, this was money for jam people.



We're annyoing, but we'll grow on you. Like fungus, or Big Brother shuffle ads.

The pilot episode and even the second episode were horrendous. Not in a reality TV awful way, but an acutely self-aware, central characters despising, epically smart annoying way. Flashy moments of ‘look how real and non-conventional we are’ with characters talking to each on the toilet, pissed me off to the point of wanting to smack my computer screen. How would I survive a whole season of this bullshit? And when I queried people on whether to keep watching, the reactions were so strong either for or against – here was a TV show that truly polarized people.

But then a funny thing happened. Actual depth and layers started sneaking into the characters. Sure, they are still at times utterly detestable and the choices they make are still eye bleeding offensive but I managed to see the show more for what it was: an examination of how girls are in their early twenties and I stopped hating the characters and started pitying them.

The central character is a wannabe essayist (not writing her memoirs, she’s writing essays) who in the pilot episode demands her parents support her financially and cracks the absolute sads when they refuse this - seriously, you already want to smack her in the first ten minutes, she is that pissy. James Franco wrote in opinion piece, declaring this girl should shut the fuck up and get a job like everyone else has to. It’s not often that I would agree with James Franco, but in this point I did whole heartedly.

However, as the episodes continue on, I’ve came to pity Hannah. Her light a fire to get attention in her social life behaviour, her delusions of literary grandeur and superiority were all so twenty four and painfully so. Her fundamental operandi is ‘I am so right in my life and I will reflect on my personal relationships in a way no one ever has before and it won’t be long before the entire world will marvel at my insightful observations.’

The mistake is to believe that this is the show’s agenda as well, that it believes itself to be a voice of a generation and we will marvel at its amazingness when in fact, it’s in on the joke. Girls, and the title is a big clue, in their early twenties are in fact often stupid, arrogant idiots and the show understands this.

Sure, it’s a generalisation and sure, the portrayals we’re given here from uber-aware Hannah, wannabe sophisticate Marnie, the too cool for cool British girl (with her affected accent and general smugness that is SO Madonna in London) and the hilariously naïve Soshanna, miss a whole bunch of girls who never behaved like this.  But in New York, you’re more than likely going to find a greater concentration of these pretenders than anywhere else.

So what started for me as a hate-watch show and a way to possibly make easy money on my critical analysis has now become interesting and intriguing, uncomfortable and oddly hilarious viewing. And while I can’t offer a money back refund, I encourage those who’ve watched only the first few eps to push through – it’s ‘officially’ worth.

Dear Fan-Girl Crushes: Veronica Mars

VERONICA! I freakin love you. And I could basically end there and that would be it, because I heart V Mars something fierce but I think both Veronica and Keith would be disappointed in my writing skills.

The titular character of the most underrated show, we meet Veronica at the very bottom of the popular poll at her school. Considering she once sat at the top, the bottom is that much more bittersweet. But damn, does it help us love her more because the fall and fallout has hardened Veronica. She's the tougher, more moxie full anti-hero than the pretty mean girl she had the potential to become.

She is complete smarts, having the BEST comebacks and insultments (it's an insult/compliment hybrid - English language you can thank me later). Thanks to her PI ex Sherriff Dad, Veronica has a super curious nature and often finds herself helping classmates solve mysteries on both the small and big scale.

Aside from the smarts and quips, Veronica is a real person. She's covering a very wounded soul, thanks to her alcoholic runaway mother, her best friend murdered and her former friends all turning on her. All this gives her trust issues on a mega-scale and like every burdened anti-hero she buries her insecurities deep and makes those who try and reach her jump through some major hoops. She's not all about the fellas (Duncan, Leo, Logan - the fellas can't resist V Mars) but when she loves, it's epic: spaning years, continents, lives ruined, bloodshed: epic. (shout out to LoVe fans!)

So Ronnie is one complex girl but that's why you have to love her. She's damn layered. She's feisty and fiery, she's smart and sassy and she pushes through her pretty messed up life and tries to make the best in a realistic, I've the seen the dark side way.

Dear Offspring

Straight off the bat I have to admit: I have a long standing love hate relationship with Australian drama, well, really it's mostly hate. I arrived back in Australia to find a country IN LOVE with Claudia Karvan and The Secret Life of Us. It was seriously deafening, and everyone could not stop telling me how GREAT this series was, how it was the BEST thing ever and of course, expectation totally defeated it and I never loved it the way people wanted me to. It's not just Secret Life though, it's Blue Heelers, Packed to the Rafters, Sea Patrol and all that go along with it.

So, Offspring, of course had so much against it in my book before it even started. Still, I watched it and was immediately ENRAGED! Nina Proudman was the most crazy, insecure, wishy washy ass character, who babbled moronically and had some weird ex-husband who liked to send bomb threats. She had the requisite eccentric Australian family, with everyone 'delightfully' mad and unique. And she had the love interest that was clearly going to be a whole season of longing looks - which I'd be fine with, if it didn't include the voiceover of insecurity questioning every decision ever made. I was out before the third episode.

But then, a funny thing happened towards the end of the first season. Firstly the Network Ten promo department did an excellent job at luring me back in with the whole Nina sleeps with the sister's ex-boyfriend scenario - bonus points that was it Eddie Perfect and he is deliciously hilarious and the only thing I really enjoyed. Then it was the two punch of brilliance. 1) Actual action on the romance front for Nina and Dr Chris and them both expressing feelings out loud to each other and looking like, despite obstacles, they might get together. 2) Eddie Perfect and the apology song: Six at Best.



That was hands down - the funniest moment of the series.

So I was back on board, keen to see how the cliffhanger of romance between Nina and Dr Chris would be solved, keen to see more lovely Eddie Perfect.

Then Season Two came and lordy be. Firstly, Dr Chris NO WHERE TO BE SEEN! (Dr Chris' expression above: MINE TOO!) Okay, sure actor Don Hany had taken off for LA and that made it hard, but a whole season of unresolved sexual tension was resolved with a crappy flashback montage and LETTER saying sorry, no can do with you! A LETTER! A FREAKING LETTER!

Then, in an effort to make up for this lack of romance, Nina is now tearing her way through the fellas. The young hot doc, the awkward heart doc and now her shady background doc. Kat Stewart each week swings between hysterical harpy to tough on surface, sweet underneath girl. The brother, continues to be 'eccentric' for no real reason and I can't even fathom the parents and their crazy antics.

Still, after all this, I still find myself watching? I can't explain it really, I see the very good promo, I think, maybe this week, maybe Nina will stop over narrating everything, maybe she'll stop using men as the ultimate judge and jury, maybe Kat Stewart will not scream like banshee in public, maybe I'll see more of Eddie Perfect and maybe I'll see less of the rest of the characters. It never happens, and I'm left annoyed and frustrated but still, Nina, you drag me back each week with hope.

Dear The Moment for Buffy

There is always a moment. A moment when you go from being a casual fan, to a fully immersed fanatic. It could be a book, a movie, a TV show - anything really. It's that moment, that your brain clicks and you become really connected to the characters, you become big time invested in what they do, how they're treated and how they let themselves be treated.

Buffy is for me, still one of my very most favourite shows - ever! I can actually proudly say I was a fan before it was really cool to like Buffy. I would stay up at late to watch episodes shown months after the US had seen them. And there was a moment that turned me. The moment that made me write fan-fiction, the moment that made me learn to write basic HTML (yep, I was an undercover tech nerd girl) and create a Buffy fan site (The Stacks and hosted by Geocities - God I'm old).

That moment:



It's just heartbreaking. The crack in her voice, the honest despair at facing death when most people her age are full of life, the desperation of being locked into her fate.

This is That Moment that turned me into an uber Buffy because I loved the idea of a hero so vulnerable, a hero who despite getting to rock Whedon gems every week, was still a sixteen year old high school student who didn't want to die. It is something I still carry with me today (especially in my writing!).

I'll explore more Moments with other fandoms I'm invested in but I want to ask, what was your moment? For any fandom?

Dear TV Crushes of Today

Jim Halpert, (John Krasinski) The Office

Admittedly, I'm far more partial to John Krasinski, the actor who plays Jim, but it was Jim that wooed me in. Jim, of the pining, longing love for Pam, his co-worker in the US version of The Office. Before you all tell me how much superior the UK version is blah, blah, I say this. I say it's a different show - yes the horrible redux of Season One in which they basically repeated the UK episodes verbatim is bad, but Season Two becomes something else and the show takes off!

Central to it all is the heart of The Office and that's thanks to Jim and Pam. Best friends and cohorts who denied their feelings for a LONG time, John Krasinski's mastered the loving from afar look and the unspoken heartbreak to the camera shot - in fact, his performance in the Season Two finale episode Casino Night, in which he professes his love and is awkwardly rejected is heartbreaking - I cried!

But beyond The Office, John is all the best bits of Jim. Adorkably cute, funny and able to give some of the most charming TV chat show interviews (I defy you to watch any of his Ellen or Jimmy Kimmel interviews and not smile). And he got the hot girl - marrying Emily Blunt last year, they both appear settled and normal and I want to be adopted by them (sorry Mum and Dad) so we can hang out together and play practical jokes on Jimmy Kimmel and visit George Clooney at Lake Como as they are want to do. 

Rick Castle/Capt. Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion), Castle/Firefly

Again following a trend, I'm partial to anything Nathan Fillion does but especially his Firefly work. As a Joss Whedon fanatic, I was shocked to see I'd missed this series when it first began but after weirdly seeing an episode and adoring it without knowing who was behind it, I was entranced. And of course, a big part of my adoration was Capt Malcolm Reynolds. Sarcastic, surly, closed off yet fiercely loyal, deeply protective and underneath, a man's man who would stand his ground in any battle he believed in.

After Firefly was cancelled (don't even get me started!) and the followup film Serenity screened, I kept following Mr Fillion. From his charming cheating doctor in Waitress to remembering I'd love him way back when as firefighter Johnny in Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Place (yep, the same one with Ryan Reynolds).

Then came Castle, a crime procedural for sure, but it made perfect use of Fillion's off-screen persona. His character is part charm, part playboy, part ego-driven man-child but he plays it with such fun and fearlessness that each Sunday night (despite my better intentions), I'm watching the latest episode. They have just ended Season Three in the US on a doozy of a cliffhanger and Nathan got to bring some of his hang dog puppy love looks to his female partner and for a TV show with a unresolved chemistry heavy plot, they just had a really frank discussion about their non-couple status - it was AWESOME and I squealed like every fan girl should.

Coach Taylor, (Kyle Chandler), Friday Night Lights

It was so close between Riggins and Coach Taylor but if we're talking about TV character crushes then Coach Taylor edged out Tim (sorry!). As an introduction to Coach Taylor, Kyle Chandler for those not familiar stole the show in the mega-Grey's Anatomy episode Code Black as the bomb squad captain who asked Meredith to picture someone else when removing the bomb. He was awesome and then he was blown up - silly Grey's!

If we're talking salt of the earth, simple man, with simple dreams and a sexy as hell southern drawl then we of course, can only be talking about Coach Taylor. Aside from being the central focus of this AMAZING television series, Coach Taylor was the moral compass for the show. He'd stray sometimes in the wrong direction but when he was focused and on it, so was the show. His speeches to the team, be they in a locker room, on the field or at his front door when they showed up for counsel at all hours were the best combination of poetry and manhood.

He was also part of the best portrayal of marriage on screen. It was real and honest and the Taylors fought over much but always were safe in the knowledge that they loved each other, they wanted each other and despite struggling with their own desires wanted the best for each other.

The last episode of the series had me weeping because yes, it was over but I was going to have to say goodbye to these characters - especially the Taylors. Coach Taylor, with his sunglasses, a protective barrier to the world. Coach Taylor with his hilarious and tender father/son relationship with Saracen. Coach Taylor with his odd couple friendship with Buddy Garrity. Coach Taylor: full eyes, clear hearts, can't lose.


Runners Up in the Now Crush Bracket:
Ianto Jones (Gareth David-Lloyd), Torchwood
Eric Northman, (Alexander Skarsgård), True Blood
Marshall Eriksen, (Jason Segel), How I Met Your Mother

Dear TV Crushes from mid to late 90's

Noel Crane (Scott Foley),  Felicity

Noel, my blessed! He was the sweeter, less moody and less whispery part of the triangle of Felicity and Ben. Before you claimed Edward or Jacob (or didn't), you were either ardently for Noel or lusting for Ben - there was no middle ground. Felicity was constantly flipping between the two fellas and while we shared the same name and hairstyle (until she went crazy and cut her hair, and that cut the ratings!) but we never shared a hesitation over sweet, put it out there and tell the girl he loves her Noel (*cough* indecisive Ben *cough*).

Noel was Felicity's RA in her New York college dorm, and from the suburbs of Australia it all sounded so COOL and of course, it made me want to go to New York and hang out at Dean and Deluca. For extra bonus points Scott Foley married Jennifer Garner, before she was actually Jennifer Garner - take that Ben Affleck.

Angel (David Boreanaz ), Buffy The Vampire Slayer

If you wanted wounded and brooding, if you wanted tortured and lost then in the late 90's you looked no further than Angel. A vampire with a soul, who falls in love with the Slayer, this all happened at a time when vampires weren't cool and Buffy aired sporadically at best in Australia, on Seven at 11.30pm at night. Didn't stop me sitting captivated in front of my television for the epic Season Two of Buffy, when people turned evil and hearts were broken. As the series progressed so did David's acting skills (although his Irish accent has always been horribly shaky) and the starcrossed lovers continually played out the on and off relationship, leaving Buffy/Angel shippers with plenty of fan-fiction to write. David still has a soft spot in my heart and I'll admit to watching a bit of Bones to see him in action, if only because you see him smiling more than Angel ever got to do.

Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson), Dawson's Creek

PACEY! The ultimate Floss crush, I LOVED (correction love) Pacey, like stalker love him. He was the sassy best friend to earnest and twee Dawson, who got to bed his teacher in season one and not have it appear weird. He got the mentally unstable Andie as his romantic interest in season two, but it also became his year to shine, a sarcastic anti-hero compared to Dawson and his whiny, self-involved crap. Season Three saw Pacey swoop in and create the magic triangle in which both Dawson and Pacey competed for her heart. Clearly the writers could see the chemistry between Josh and Katie that was heads above the weird brother/sister dynamic of Katie and James Van Der Beek.

What sent the fan girls wild for Pacey was his underdog, underachiever yet wanting so much more status. He was guys guy, playing practical jokes and organising parties with a mischievous grin. He was the supportive friend to all, standing up for gay Jack to a homophobic teacher, collecting girls from all parts of fictional New England while they dated idiots. He was the heart on his sleeve boyfriend who fell hard - he remembered everything she said, he kissed her first, he wrote on FREAKING WALL asking Joey to stay! The rest of Dawson's Creek was spent trying to keep Joey and Pacey apart which was crazy because why would you ever want to go elsewhere?

As a side note: Joshua Jackson has since become a fully fledged adult hottie. He's charmingly in love with Diane Kruger, openly admits that she, the fashion queen she is, dresses him. He's on a cult cool show, and he hasn't forgotten his awesome teen soap days - having a Pacey-Con outside at Comic-Con and reading fan-fiction and playing 'I Don't Wanna Wait' loudly. He's just AWESOME all over.

Runners Up in the Mid-to-Late 90's Crush bracket:
Bailey Salinger (Scott Wolf), Party of Five.
Max Evans (Jason Behr), Roswell
Newt Call (Scott Bairstow), Lonesome Dove: Outlaw Years.

Dear TV Crushes from Late 80's/Early 90's

Jonathan Brandis, Seaquest DSV

Awwh, what a cutie right? He was my first ever TV crush, so innocent and sweet and with really, really pretty hair. The show Seaquest DSV, was my first foray into futuristic worlds and of course, I loved it and it was probably a sign of things to come. The character of Lucas wasn’t all that special; he was the token kid of the craft and didn’t really have any romantic storylines – thank goodness because I probably would have cut the girl!

Sad footnote, childhood superstardom took its toll on Jonathan and he passed away in 2003. RIP

Dexter Fletcher, Press Gang

SPIKE! And don’t judge the jacket kids, because he was part of the super couple of Spike and Linda (thankfully in a time before couple hybrid names became the norm: imagine the horror of shipping Spinda?!). This couple was fiery, banter filled awesome, with Linda the control freak Editor and Spike the wise cracking reporter who rocked Ray Bans before everyone else. Linda and I also shared the same hairdo so I thought it was only a hop, step and skip to my very own Spike.

They shared some of the best back and forth dialogue, with my most favourite episode being the reunion of the super couple, after he secretly returned from America to the UK – sparks really fly from minute two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBihA7_fSPA&feature=related

 It was hot, they were hot, and I shipped them BAD!

Sully, Dr Quinn Medicine Woman

Do I even need to explain? I’m mean come on, he’s got flowing locks, he’s on a horse, and carrying a wounded soul and a weapon! Sully was the non-Native American, Native American who supported Dr Michaela in convincing the Western town to support her in her efforts to be a Doctor. He was also sporting the mega burden of having his wife die tragically in child birth and spent many an episode looking soulful and sad. He was quiet and softly spoken, yet manly and could defend Dr. Mike’s honour like a badass. The chemistry was so smouldering that Jane Seymour tapped Joe Lando for a few seasons off screen as well as on screen.

Dean Cain, Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman

Now Dean Cain is a sad sidenote to Teri Hatcher but back then he was SUPERsexy. He made the cover of my science folder and lord knows, I never did any work. The character of Clark Kent was very vanilla and actually it was the will they, won’t they aspect that was hot and the show suffered terribly once they joined them together but still, Dean was at the time, a super buff leading man, who often looked broodingly at Lois and as you’ll come to realise, I can’t resist a brooder!

Part Two of My TV Crushes is when I become a WB poster child, worshipping Angel, Noel (forget Ben) and the almighty transcendent Pacey Witter.

Dear Reality Dating Shows

I’m not ashamed to admit, but Reality Dating Shows, I really like you. From the awwh sucks, humble approach of Farmer Wants a Wife to the fame-whoring desperation of The Bachelor/The Bacherlotte, you keep me highly, highly amused.

Farmer Wants a Wife, you are the quite achiever of genre. Despite my cynical outlook, and abhorrence that to seem country, host Natalie must always were flannel. I kinda, almost believe the intent to match make a couple is genuine. From the Farmers, who range in age and also attractiveness, to the ladies/fellas competing for their attention, everyone seems sincere about wanting to find love, and actually somewhat believe in the process and that it actually might help them find love. With good reason too, because Farmer’s strike rate is pretty impressive and I’ll admit it, come finale time, I am absolutely following at least one couple and hoping that weddings and babies are in their near rural future.

 At the complete opposite end of the spectrum The Bachelor and Bachelorette contain every failed/aspiring singer, actress, actor, wannabe host, and soon to be Playboy playmate hoping to find the elusive fifteen minutes anyway they can. Every scene, date and scenario is completely scripted and all competitors (because they are trying to win) are plied with alcohol at every given opportunity to help keep their desperation levels right there at the superficial surface.

And I love it, I love the squealing the women do, I love the macho posing of the men, the personality conflicts, the villains, the heroes all very carefully edited for me to react to. And yet still, every season one or two contestants make me support them. I adored Trista and Ryan way back when, and am so glad to hear they are still together years later. This season, I’m all for adorkable Chris to win Ali’s heart on The Bachelorette.

So basically, I’m a sucker. I’ll take any form of manipulated reality TV romance, anyway I can get it. Be it earnest and of honourable intention, or juicy, dirty and desperate, I’m hoping for tears, heartaches and true love. Come on Reality Dating Shows, give me the final rose.