Dear Qantas

I fly a lot, mostly domestic, but recently I went international. I like our national carrier - I really do. I think generally they do a good job and get over analysed because people expect so much for so little these days. Two years ago when I flew to Europe, due to technical difficulties my Christmas Eve flight was cancelled, and Qantas handled it beautifully, having hotel rooms ready, moving me to the another more direct flight without any hassle and when I returned, offering me 20,000 extra points for the inconvenience. Well done!

Recently I flew to LA on the beautiful new A380 - a plane that defies gravity. It's clean, quiet (suffer to those people who dolled out cash on the noise cancelling headphones!) and despite being cozy in economy, a very nice plane to travel on. I even understand the cozy economy requirements - financially of course they need to make as much as possible, especially when due to a medical emergency on the way there, my A380 had to dump all its fuel and turn back to Sydney after only an hour or so (that's a LOT of fuel my friends!).

All that being said, I can not excuse the flight home. I was flying from LA into Sydney via Brisbane. We arrived nice and early to LAX and checked in with a surly American Airlines lady. She mentioned that the plane was completely full, in fact they'd oversold it, and I offered if they needed to switch to the Sydney flight. Let it be known, at no point did I mention/hint at/directly ask for an upgrade for the switch, I was actually just trying to be helpful and it would have saved me a few more hours on a plane. She very tersely told me that wasn't her department and I should talk to the ladies in the Qantas Club, which I'm member.

In the Qantas Club (which was actually the American Airlines lounge), the specific Qantas employee had decided that with two hours before the Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane flights departed, she'd take her break. Now, I don't begrudge a break, not at all, but wouldn't the peak inquiry time from your customers not be the best moment to go MIA? Anyway, she returned and once again, I offered to switch if they needed to get more people onto the Brisbane flight. Again, I was told in no uncertain terms that my offer wasn't required. Fine, I'll go with all the Brisbanites - no drama.

Until, I got on the plane that is. While the Sydney and Melbourne passengers hoped on the lovely new planes, poor Brisbane bound passengers, got on what has to be the oldest 747 Qantas have in their fleet. The seats were literally falling apart, as witnessed in my row by the fraying cloth and my table, which had its own weapon included. Seriously, if I'm going to spend an hour in security queues then don't tease me with a stabby weapon. The worst was my arm rest - the cover would constantly fall off, and while trying to sleep, I'd wake to find a nice jabbing in my arm - good times. Then of course, on a 14 hour flight, the entertainment system shut down - our entire row, could not watch any TV at all, which I'm sorry, on long haul flights is one of the only things to distract you from the long haulness of it. This was a common complaint from many people during the flight, the tiredness of the plane, the breaking equipment, the bathrooms that had definitely seen better days.

The staff were lovely and the food was food, but really Qantas, you can't expect people to fly on that broken down excuse for a plane for 14 hours, and not look at the interior and think 'if this is how the seats are cared for, wonder what the engine's like?' I'm all for dance flash mobs to celebrate the new 747 Sydney to the Perth leg, but maybe the flash mobs money could be redirected to maintenance and upkeep.

Dear Offspring

Straight off the bat I have to admit: I have a long standing love hate relationship with Australian drama, well, really it's mostly hate. I arrived back in Australia to find a country IN LOVE with Claudia Karvan and The Secret Life of Us. It was seriously deafening, and everyone could not stop telling me how GREAT this series was, how it was the BEST thing ever and of course, expectation totally defeated it and I never loved it the way people wanted me to. It's not just Secret Life though, it's Blue Heelers, Packed to the Rafters, Sea Patrol and all that go along with it.

So, Offspring, of course had so much against it in my book before it even started. Still, I watched it and was immediately ENRAGED! Nina Proudman was the most crazy, insecure, wishy washy ass character, who babbled moronically and had some weird ex-husband who liked to send bomb threats. She had the requisite eccentric Australian family, with everyone 'delightfully' mad and unique. And she had the love interest that was clearly going to be a whole season of longing looks - which I'd be fine with, if it didn't include the voiceover of insecurity questioning every decision ever made. I was out before the third episode.

But then, a funny thing happened towards the end of the first season. Firstly the Network Ten promo department did an excellent job at luring me back in with the whole Nina sleeps with the sister's ex-boyfriend scenario - bonus points that was it Eddie Perfect and he is deliciously hilarious and the only thing I really enjoyed. Then it was the two punch of brilliance. 1) Actual action on the romance front for Nina and Dr Chris and them both expressing feelings out loud to each other and looking like, despite obstacles, they might get together. 2) Eddie Perfect and the apology song: Six at Best.



That was hands down - the funniest moment of the series.

So I was back on board, keen to see how the cliffhanger of romance between Nina and Dr Chris would be solved, keen to see more lovely Eddie Perfect.

Then Season Two came and lordy be. Firstly, Dr Chris NO WHERE TO BE SEEN! (Dr Chris' expression above: MINE TOO!) Okay, sure actor Don Hany had taken off for LA and that made it hard, but a whole season of unresolved sexual tension was resolved with a crappy flashback montage and LETTER saying sorry, no can do with you! A LETTER! A FREAKING LETTER!

Then, in an effort to make up for this lack of romance, Nina is now tearing her way through the fellas. The young hot doc, the awkward heart doc and now her shady background doc. Kat Stewart each week swings between hysterical harpy to tough on surface, sweet underneath girl. The brother, continues to be 'eccentric' for no real reason and I can't even fathom the parents and their crazy antics.

Still, after all this, I still find myself watching? I can't explain it really, I see the very good promo, I think, maybe this week, maybe Nina will stop over narrating everything, maybe she'll stop using men as the ultimate judge and jury, maybe Kat Stewart will not scream like banshee in public, maybe I'll see more of Eddie Perfect and maybe I'll see less of the rest of the characters. It never happens, and I'm left annoyed and frustrated but still, Nina, you drag me back each week with hope.

Dear Eating Alone

I'm often eating alone, thanks to the nature of my work and when I travel, I find myself with less companion choices. Last night, in a foreign city, I again found myself in the familiar world of dining alone. Sure, I could have stayed locked away in my hotel room and ordered room service, and that was definitely tempting but I put on my brave shoes and stepped out into the world instead.

Eating alone is often described as the ultimate test of one's personality. How strong are you to handle it? How much can you stand your own company? Well, sure that's all true but sometimes it's just because you have to and that's the choice your left with. So here are my expert eating alone tips.

1) Take a Book
I know people (Carrie Bradshow included) say it's better to enjoy one's company and without a book, it's more enjoyable. Sure that's fine and all, but after ten minutes of looking around, it gets kinda boring. And yes, people watching is excellent, but your dining companions don't really appreciate you staring at them, like some puppy from the pet store window. Also, having a book allows you to eavesdrop on some pretty good converastions without having to look awkwardly away and pretend to not be doing it.

2) Don't drink heaps
No one wants to be the sad drunk girl eating alone. I'm all for a glass or two, but I think if you're sauced, sitting alone, it can only lead to sad stares from people.

3) Own It
Enjoy the cool factor, because people will notice and if you are enjoying your own company, they'll be jealous, they'll be mystified and they'll think you're pretty cool - especially if you're rocking an accent.

4) Be Friendly to Wait Staff
They're probably admiring your dining efforts so be friendly with them. Listen to the specials, don't whisper ashamedly your order. Don't ever be apologetic about your solo status, don't accept crappy service because you're just one - you deserve their attention just as much!

5) Order Whatever You Damn Well Want
Including, especially dessert. You more than deserve a piece of cake and don't think people will judge badly. In fact, they'll probably love you having cake and think, man I wish I could sit with the cool girl eating cake on her own.

6) Don't Phone a Friend
If you spend the whole meal calling everyone in your phone book, you're not really alone are you? Sure, it can be tempting but then it just reeks of desperation, of the sheer terror of being left alone. Also, how annoying for the person sitting next to you?!

Basically, the rules of eating alone are simple. Do it and enjoy it, relax with a book, eat your meal at the pace you want and don't be rushed by others (take that waitress who tried to rush me and my cake last night) and simply just have a nice time.