Offspring Recap: Talk Amongst Yoursevles

Ladies, sorry but beaches and books and banana lounges and Breezers (not really, but I was working a whole B theme) are calling my name.

I'm in the midst of a back to back work two week marathon session which I'm then following up with a Bali holiday of radio silence. Which means, no Offspring recaps. With last night's episode still yet to be seen and next week's definitely getting missed, I'm handing over the keys and letting you all taking care of the analysis, intense character study and important growth discussions. Just clean up any wild parties you decide to have while I'm gone.

Offspring Recap: The Reverse Triangle

This week, I watched Offspring a little differently. I went old school, turned off all electronic devices (excluding the TV of course) and watched without Twitter commentary, without note taking for my recaps and without texts to family members. Honestly, it didn't forever change my past opinions, but it did give the characters a chance to breathe, the plots felt a little stronger and the beats more deserved. If that was because the episode itself was stronger (I think it was) over the electronic cynical distraction that is modern TV watching, I'll never really know. Either way, enough pondering, let's break it down.

The Patrick/Nina/Little Intern Triangle

During the first 15 minutes I truly despaired as we watched Nina, Billie and Patrick awkwardly and well over the bounds of professional care and conduct, attempt to decipher Little Intern's crush. Seriously though, Little Intern has a mega sexual harassment case on her hands should she chose to spin it. Dinner with teenage immature inquisitions and more flighty Nina was however quickly booted when Little Intern stepped up and said, you dear Nina are the desire of my heart. (Sorry Nina, but really?)

We are SO FAR past appropriate. Pecan pie go with that?

After taking a moment or two to enjoy her crush status, including quite an entertaining Nina-fantasy of what lesbian love affairs are. According to Nina's it's a chocolate ad, mixed with 1980's tampon commercial and directed by Peter Weir circa Picnic at Hanging Rock.

Picnic at Hanging Rock 2: We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat

After Little Intern couldn't face the stuttering awkwardness and went home, with text messages threats of transferring Nina came a knocking. Bearing consoling stories of her Chris Havel crush (memories!) Nina tried to ease Little Intern's pain. Aside from the pointless but isn't this funny wink hamster stuff, Nina did an okay job of trying to help Little Intern and I give her credit.

The Clegg Meltdown

I've loved the character of Martin Clegg, for his sheer unusual-ness that wasn't too gag-fest related. His involvement with Cherie has always been problematic because it never quite gelled, and so while I get what they're aiming for with his meltdown and I applaud Lachy Hulme's commitment, I couldn't quite get their with his devastation because I just didn't feel.

If I stare long enough, maybe I'll solve the WTF was Cherie's problem, problem?

For a man, that above all else valued his professional career, to completely shut down in the operating theatre was a step too far and making the analogy of Patrick's drug habit was silly. It felt like a case of writing the dialogue for the tattoo parlor reunion first and then working backward to get both characters there. That being said, I do enjoy Clegg and Patrick's friendship and I think it's quite moments are great. And sure the manufactured efforts to get Clegg to break annoyed, the tattoo parlor conversation was beautiful and the moment in which both men remembered or experienced rock bottom was a nice touch.

Bitches be crazy. Bro's before hos right Reid.

My absolute favourite scene, maybe of the entire season so far, was the closing with Patrick and Nina joyful hearing their child's first kicks and Martin Clegg politely declining a threesome. It was laugh out loud funny and sweet and tender at the same time. This is right here is why I love Offspring.

Nina and Patrick: Happy, together. It's a MIRACLE!

Smoke and Mirrors Billie

From powerful couple, to secrets and lies. Billie is on the surface swimming along with her fantastic career, her pop star husband and interviews with the Sunday papers. (PS Mick, I know those Q&A's are tedious but some poor music publicist has called five times to get that Q&A into the schedule - answer the damn toilet paper question). Underneath though, it's slowly starting to slip away, bills are not being paid, people are dying or just not buying property. As per Billie's style, though she is choosing for the moment, to surface over it and pretend to everyone including Mick that life is fine. Next week, though hints at it all crashing down. This seems interesting, real and grounded and I'm thrilled for every character involved!

Who the F*** ordered all that stuff from ASOS?

Selfish Proudman

The only other note is that Mama Proudman continues her EPIC run of selfishness and rags on Jimmy's efforts to grow up. At this point I want to vote her off the show and let Bio Dad Phillip run the family. It annoys me that everyone allows her barbs to sit there without actually addressing them. The foreshadowing that this behaviour could be health related doesn't make me happy either because really, Geraldine's been 90% like this from day one!

She has Sav Blanc-itis. Symptoms include selfishness, running off your mouth

Next week Billie's house of cards looks to come crashing down and will give Kat Stewart and Eddie Perfect some big acting moments. Maybe Mick could write a financial recovery ballad to help us through!

Offspring Recap: It's Better, But Then Not Really

After the hell fire and brimstone that I rained down last week on poor little Offspring, I felt moderately bad. But then it seems, I am not alone in my frustrations and as equally important, everyone seems to be sharing the same concerns. Thankfully, this episode does a lot to remedy these major complaints and while, it's getting better - I really have to admit to being on Struggle St with Offspring this season. Honestly, the only reason, I'm horribly and belated recapping at all is because of the fantastic and articulate comments I see from people each week that inspire me to at least give them a home.

So here is a rapid fire pros and cons list of last week. Nina would have to appreciate this.

Pros
Far less Nina crazy times. No flailing wildly like she was barely in control of her body. However, far less crazy time actually meant far less Nina and if solving the problem of your show is removing the lead character, then there is bigger problems to face. I actually also enjoy the counsellor and his presence in Nina's life as a device. I don't even care she day dreams him - that's something that seems realistic as long as she doesn't start talking to him.
Billie Sees the Madness. When Jimmy turned up for a job interview at Proudman, I was panicked. This had all the hallmarks, of moving the family chess pieces around the board to let the insanity continue but hooray no. She realizes that as underwhelming as her skill set is, Jimmy is twice as bad and unreliable and just not appropriate to hire.
Kate's story development. I'm really glad they're starting to acknowledge her back story of domestic violence in both it's relationship to Patrick and also her own future potential relationship. Sure, it could have use more time to breathe, but overall, I'm liking Sister Reid and her sparky personality mixed with an actual story line.

Cons
CHERIE! I know it's supposed to be touching and sad and sweet but LORD, Cherie, get yourself together or at least give the character more story to help us understand why she's running so far, so fast. In three episodes we went from Ray mimicking Doc Martin to Cherie leaving the state on an indefinite road trip. This while declaring her love and confusingly for the young child in her life, pashing the crap out of the father figure that's about to disappear from his life.
Geraldine. I don't care, I find your treatment of the people in your life selfish, vain and without foundation to be the so called heart of the family. I hope Phillip grows a pair and walks!
Hospital professionalism - I really find it hard to swing so wildly, from serious conversations about reporting Patrick and his previous drug problems to the Nurses front desk activity. I hate the forced kooky, zany-ness and the farewell for Cherie was grating and annoying.

I'll keep hanging in there, but now sadly, it's out of a sense of duty rather than enjoyment and I hope Offspring can turn this around. As evidenced by last week's episode there is potential there, it's just hopefully not too late.

Offspring Recap: In Which Nina and I Have Words

It’s not looking good Offspring, let’s get that out there right now. Firstly, when you’re compelling and interesting, I cancel plans to watch and recap you. When you’re drifting – as in Season One – I’ll accept an invitation to just about anything.  Sadly, it looks like we’re heading down Season One road again, so this recap is going to be a little different. Less what happened and more what in the hell is going on right now – I won’t be offended if the less cynical (and God sometimes I wish I was) headed to happier, more positive pastures.

The good news first: shirtless Patrick is still PHWOAR

Okay, what in the hell is going on! Seriously, Nina Proudman you are the most scatty illogical, dependent person. This entire episode seemed to revel in your ditzy behaviour. How endearing the stuttered speech patterns were, the physical hijinks, the blatantly stupid ways to entertain  a toddler. The horrible scene in which she confronted Little Intern and waved her arms as if she was a mute trying to express herself, was neither endearing nor funny. It simply made me wonder how a grown woman, who the show claims to have a professional career is able to function when she can barely walk down the street without overt physical expressiveness bordering on mania.

What this episode sadly made me think about – and not in a good way – is what exactly do you and Patrick, besides hotness and inner city coolness, and professional vocation – have in common. Seriously, I’ve never seen Nina and Patrick, with sex removed, really enjoy each other. I understand we’ve been buried in angsty town for a few seasons but right now, I’m really struggling to understand what Patrick sees in Nina aside from the fact she is carrying his child. What this also does, is drag Patrick down into this behaviour. For someone who has taken great strides in growth and evolution, his insensitivity to Nina about his night out with Little Intern was staggering. He knows she is a nutcase, would stew ridiculously if he was 20 minutes late and by choosing to be with her, chooses this relationship structure. SO FREAKING CALL the poor woman and say, 'Hey, taking longer than I thought, don’t worry, I’m okay, I’ll be home soon, love you etc'. Not hard to do, and I resented him for not doing it.

The whole Little Intern thing is a bit of a missed opportunity for me right now as we seem to be back to bringing up danger Patrick to illicit danger without punishing the character in the present. They don’t want him to be currently flawed, only have viewers remember the hint it’s there. And the continuity regarding drinking continues to frustrate me. Season Two Patrick had no problems with a glass. I’m fine if Patrick feels that drinking does open him up to demons, but the story has to convey his decision to change somehow. Whether the viewers see him speaking independently with the counsellor man, and talking about his evolution or to another character – we need to know he’s not just flipping a switch and being a douchebag.

And don’t even get me going about the Cherie character. I have no patience, sympathy, tolerance or understanding of how this character continues to bounce from life experience to life experience all while leaving a wake of confusion and complications. The only reason her friend Nina, hasn’t called her on her ditch and run the second it’s slightly mundane pattern is because she’s too bizarrely stunted herself.

Comic relief heavy lifting for Billie this week, but for a character empowered last week with her growth to become an adult, they sure cut the legs out from under her with the photo shoot shenanigans. Mick is clearly atoning for last season’s Fiesty mess with his role this season to be Billie’s support team – if only this could involve more actual character development for him.

The mother suffering mother guilt plot with Zara was good but poorly explored. Zara has always been a complex character and I’m surprised the show didn’t let her deal with the two options in life a little longer. Why couldn’t she actually enjoy her job (because I sense she would) but still be missing Alfie? I hate to put this on her, but why couldn't she be (incorrectly) ashamed about her desires completely changing. This was a strong, fiercely independent woman who wanted no support emotionally and was determined to have her life remain the same. Yes, that's a pipe dream and of course, she was always going to change, especially thanks to her relationship with Jimmy and that is a wonderful thing and a great story to tell. But can we actually see that growth in more detail and on screen instead of speeding through this decision, in what equated to 10 minutes on screen.

Mama Proudman gets nothing but a SHUT UP from me. Who cares what Darcy does, you should be happy, you’ll be able to crash his spa without awkward multiple lovers nakedness.

This is sadly, a particularly ranty recap from me, I’m sorry to say. Nina is the centre of the Offspring universe and when she’s off in this hyper eccentric zone, it drags the entire show down with it. Other characters have to heighten or lower to the extremes just to match it and I think this is a grave error. I enjoy the writing on Offspring from a unique episode standpoint, but what always seems to let it down is the commitment to the characters development and growth. Right now we seem to be aiming for a quota each episode of zany, hot sexy times, shirtless Matt Le Nevez and crazy Proudman hijinks. When Offspring got a two season order – I was hopefully this would mean more concentrated storytelling, a far stronger characterisation for everyone including secondary players like Martin Clegg – who is getting absolutely shafted this season. Sadly, it looks like Offspring is playing to its negatives and not positives and much like Patrick, I think I need a drink.

Sort your needy, whiny, erratic shit out Nina!

Positives:

Both Belle’s Diner (featured in the stupid Darcy, Cherie, Nina catch up) and Everleigh Bar (where Patrick and Little Intern had a drink and also the fantasy movie Nina watched on TV) were featured tonight. Belle’s Diner does the best fried chicken ever – like an awesome, gourmet KFC , or as if you were invited to a friend’s family’s home in Louisana for Thanksgiving. Do get the mashed potato and gravy with it – it’s comfort food at it’s cool inner city hipster best.

Afterwards, go upstairs to the Everleigh Bar and let their amazing cocktail staff create a drink for you based off what type of alcohol you normally drink. I did and the drink they served me – multiple times – was amazing.  Also, thanks to the 20’s feel, you’ll feel super fancy and cool but be warned, weekends are tricky to get tables in the evening and you might have to perch at the bar, which slightly lessens the fancy feel.