Offspring Recap: Welcome Back to Nina's Nuts Hour

We jump straight into Little Intern-gate with Nurse Kim, playing to Nina’s insecurities like a manipulative, yet funny, genius that she is. She gently prods about Little Intern and her ‘story’ and then after a funny off in which it’s confirmed, Nina is incredibly unfunny, (seriously a check 1, 2 jokes – oh Nina) plants the seed of doubt merely by linking their names in once sentence. Boom it’s on!

I'd like to dedicate this next number to my future child

Nina hurries to her baby doc appointment, arrives late and finds a parking spot right in front (every Melburnian calls utter bullshit on this. Friendly, charming, have my apartment while you recover from your hangover Jesus types, maybe but parking places in front of the place you immediately need to be at – BULLSHIT!)

And then we meet Doctor KAMAHL! Seriously, casting people, BRILLIANT stunt casting – I tip my hat to you. Nina rambles unchecked about her medical career, her non-existent birth plan. Nina of course wants a completely natural, easy, drug free birth. This is a pure fantasy – no TV show ever allowed its main character to not have a birth that didn’t have a rare genetic complication that meant lots of frowning and concern but all was fine in the end. Nina of course, doesn’t read TV Tropes 101 so believes easy and carefree is going to happen while Kamahl tries book her in for a C-section and completely ignores Nina and Patrick’s wants.

What up Kamahl!

Outside Patrick shows his continued growth by guessing Nina might not be comfortable even when she herself can’t get there. Nina switches gears and with an edge asks if Patrick knows Little Intern. His denial doesn’t clear Nina’s height requirement and even Patrick can see this thing ain’t over.

Back at the hospital, Nina attempts to stop her runaway train of Little Intern crazy by telling Nurse Kim, her man ain’t know that girl. Happily for us, it ends Nina fantasy of Patrick and Little Intern getting it on. Hello Green Sheet sexy Patrick (yay props department for continuity).

Hello LOVER!

Arriving home we find, not only Patrick and Mick and Billie waiting with some SERIOUS news. Billie had the 20K to repay and wants the appropriate low toned level of awe and ceremony to mark the occasion. [This is wear my segment of catch up TV froze and stalled recap Wednesdays.] Nina rewards Billie with a clearance from Grey Skull and yep, a He Man reference made me laugh.

Nina can’t let go about Little Intern, and launches into Round 3 of could you have slammed Little Intern. Patrick admits to melting down a little after his marriage ended and sleeping around and that, sure maybe, past persons might have been Little Intern. Can we have some flashback eps please? Raise your hand if you want to see dark and slutty Patrick for episode.

This of course naturally turns into What’s Your Number. Nina is SUPER proud of her 7 and Patrick is less proud, but seriously, he is proud of 35.

Oh yeah, the ladies loved when Dr Reid made house calls! BOOM TISH!

Billie and Nina compared notes afterwards, and 7 is deemed incredibly low – and actually 6.5 because of an ill aborted threesome in which she was left out. Nina is realising that apparently she hasn’t actually been around the block that much. The entire Proudman family is very loose on both the sharing of who they have slept with and also the judgement of numbers and in typical Nina fashion, her work, life and career are all aware of her entire personal life within 24 hours.

Mama Proudman attempts to put Billie in Darcy’s frame of mind for possibly taking over Proudman Real Estate. He takes it with a grain of salt, and then turns up to work and launches his ‘I’m Selling You Out’ spiel without much tact or tenderness. Billie makes an offer to buy, but Darcy basically says, you’re a cold hearted bitch and you’re not smart enough to run the business. That is way harsh Darcy, way harsh. Never go into business with your family – rule 1! It does however offer Kat Stewart another opportunity to showcase the subtle strength she gives to Billie and how this season seems to be about slowly, but surely unpicking that strength. Her infertility, her family’s familiar to really believe in her and recovery from a troubled marriage patch. Speaking of which she heads off to see Mick and finds him and Fiesty Orange jamming out and her independence unable to crack enough to say, I really need you.

Another layer of failure, another Stewart home run of acting

Back in Nina-Land, we’re hitting upon a vintage season one Nina, she of insecurities, she of rambling about the men in her life and only able to focus on the small details. The Nina that really actually annoys me. Seriously, I get the plot has to move towards Shady Little Intern, but is there a way we can do it without making Nina like a co-dependent, man envy ridden neurotic. After quizzing repeatedly all parties of the ‘maybe they had sex’ coupling like a Year Eight student, we learn that Little Intern once worked with Patrick.

I'm calling from the Chris Havel Memorial Balcony - so of course,  I'm NUTS!

Cherie interrupts Nina’s meltdown because she has decided she wants her own plot. Apparently things with Doc Martin aren’t going well, and she wants it over. Also in a never before seen friendship, Kate – Sister of Revelations, is the third person Cherie can trust for advice. It’s all very random and moving the chess pieces around the board. Afterwards we have an attempted meet-cute with Kate – Sister of Revelation and a potential new love interest.  She attempts to call him later, with Cherie’s inexplicable support and totally Reid’s it up. We now see when Patrick gets his snappy, slightly angry tinged banter from – its Reid DNA. Later in the episode, Bike Courier Man turns up at her sports med clinic and surprise, she has to treat him. What are the carefully script chances!

Nina is then again late for her counselling session with Patrick and young hot counsellor. It basically becomes an explosion of Nina’s neurosis and insecurities and hammers home the point that Nina is (needlessly and under-explained) insecure about her relationships with every man – ever.

We then head to Billie’s house where after feeling no support from her extended family all day, she has barricaded herself in a doona of failure and doubt. As she confides to her sister, that her salvation from being parentless was being good at her job, and that is actually now proven untrue. She also admits that she can’t bear to hear Mick brush this off in his lovable laidback manner because it's too important to her, Kat Stewart breaks me. THIS is what I want Offspring, mature looks at adult relationships that are complex and interwoven and ask actors to do more than screech like banshees.

Breaking down, cosy and comfy.

From sublime to stupid, naked spa is sadly not a dream.  Mama Proudman continues her GRAND run of selfishness by deciding to naked spa with her current partner, in her previous partner’s house. FOR FUCK’s SAKE! Spa nakedness is apparently hijinks funny and so everyone jumps in. I just can’t do this shit – it serves no purposes and I don’t see the point except to show off how epically selfish Geraldine is about those around her from children to lovers.

You immature selfish WANKERS

Mick then charges in and confronts Papa Proudman, asking for him to believe in his daughter and when dissatisfied with the answer, boos his father in law. Listen, the line ‘I say boo to you’ is funny, Eddie Perfect is a big reason why it lands. But immediately having Nina join in this and both of them repeatedly boo-ing falls mega flat. Naked spa sessions combined with the boo-ing is why I don't do zany eccentric Australian TV. It's why I've had seriously problems with Offspring in the past.

It's funny right, so zany funny! 

Mick returns to Billie and reminds me why this couple are lovely when written well. He brings chocolate ice-cream and then serenades her with an empowering belief song that includes references to a Billie dedicated Tumblr. Gold star Mick!

What rhymes with Tumblr?

Nina arrives home and has a very quick, easy, rational conversation about parenting choices and how past partners don’t really matter to where they are now. See Nina, it WASN’T THAT HARD!

Billie turns up the next day to Proudman Real Estate and her line (and Kat Stewart’s delivery) of 'I head you got boo-ed by my husband’ is pretty damn brilliant and almost, almost worth the naked spa scene.  She is pitching herself to take over business and for God's sake Darcy give Billie a FUCKING break – which thankfully, he does and offers a deal.

Little Intern is called in to face Nina's odd and bizarre Spanish Inquisition. Little Intern didn't sleep with Patrick, she just witnessed him a drug stupor and then reported him. Apparently this is gravely horrible which baffles me because it wasn't like it wasn’t a) true - it was, he was a druggie and b) the right thing - it was she might have even saved lives.

Let's talk - how do you braid your hair like that?

Next week's preview however leads us to believe Little Intern is Glenn Close and she will eventually work her way up to bunny boiling. Thank God Rocket the dog died, as the only known pet in the Proudman family he was a prime target.

Offspring Recap Interrupted! Thanks Ten Catch TV

I have an excuse, I promise. When my Mama says 'how about you come over for a roast tonight' - you don't reject that. Single peeps who live alone will back me up on this - anytime some one else offers to cook, you take it. When it's your mother's roast, by GOD YOU RUN THERE!

But I had great plans my friends, to come home and catch up TV and recap my little heart out. Sadly Network Ten and their constantly freezing player didn't agree with my plans so alas, tonight - no recap. I've got notes and some images for the first 10 minutes of the ep and notes for the last 15 minutes - this doesn't make a good recap for anyone. So standby, and hopefully by Thursday evening Australian time, we'll have this thing sorted. 

While waiting for a possible resolution, I was checking my blog stats as one does and looking to see how people are finding me. I really think my Google search word terms that people have to Dear Pop Culture are true indicator as to who I am and seriously, Dr Quinn, Logan Echolls and Offspring is pretty much who I am.

In case you're new to my world and wonder how these articles are linked - here we go:

Logan Echolls - You'll find him (oh Logan) in my ode to TV Crushes: Early 2000s, right next to Josh Lyman.

Jonathan Brandis - Not surprisingly, he's featured in my ode to TV Crushes: Late 80s/Early 90s and that's also where you'll find banter superstar Dexter (Spike) Fletcher, from Press Gang AND flowing locks and wounded soul heart throb Sully, from Dr Quinn Medicine Woman.

Dear Pop Culture - Hopefully self-explanatory. 

Offspring Season 4 - Clearly everyone was keen for the next season, and my recaps are here and also the wants and wishes for S4 which way back in July of 2012 look awfully interesting now!

Kyle Chandler - Oh Coach Taylor you sexy Southern man,women forever swoon and I currently do, as evidence in my ode to TV Crushes of Today.

Angel David Boreanaz - Awwh, the first tortured and brooding vampire and bonus points, no sparkling. Yep, he's there in my ode to TV Crushes: Late 90s along with my other late 90's man Noel Crane, from Felicity - I would have picked you Noel! 

Offspring Recap: Baby It's Complicated

After last season’s ‘we’re not sure if we’re being picked up again so let’s complete every storyline REALLY quickly’ ending – we’re back in Nina Proudman’s life and it’s Offspring Season 4 time.

We kick off with a Nina dream sequence and Nina’s labour with her delivering random appliances – troll, fan, avocados – that’s too meta for me to decipher. She awakens with a fright and THANK GOD WE HAVE LOST the dreaded green sheets curse. White sheets = a clean slate in my book.

Shirtless Patrick - great start to a season.

Nina is at work and attempting to self-narrate into having a perfect life but is late for her own baby appointment. We get a this is zany crazy Nina Proudman montage of her general life indecisiveness and also to show Network Ten, that it was worth paying for all those inner city location shooting days - see we’re using them!

A tram, taxi, inner chic Melbourne, long flowy dresses - it's Offspring

But fake out, she isn’t late for a baby appointment, it’s counselling with Patrick, who is chipper and happy to be exposing his flaws. We also have quite a handsome young fella as our counsellor ladies – insert your own personal joke here involving lying his couch. We then have a meta conversation which seems to address all fans queries about non-communication Patrick and Nina’s over analysing. It does however leave them with homework which sends studying Nina running for the stationery aisle at Officeworks. I would have seriously pegged her as a Smiggle girl myself.

My baby daddy life partner is hot: exhibit A

Mick’s on tour but Skyping in for Billie chats and I’m impressed with their Skype resolution, they must be on the NBN plans. Feisty Orange pops in to let Australia know that she’s totally back off Billie’s man and just happy for them to be chewing up the bandwith with their chatter.  

Nina’s been tasked with creating a master list of her life from counselling and through the episode it swings wildly from fitness levels to getting a will to setting Billie boundaries. All done in very clear teacher block writing. Nina does not need to work on her penmanship.

Nina’s ready to get cracking on her counselling homework but Patrick’s feeling frisky (oh yeah!) It’s amazing to see sexy, smirky Season 2 Patrick back in full force – his joking with Nina about her study habits was either a nice shout-out or just good sexy times – either way, bravo and continue on I say.

Can I copy off your homework - I'll pay you back

Jara (Jimmy and Zara) surface for breakfast at Proudman Palace and notice that Doc Dad has moved in via food and shaving appliances. In a house where three out of the four residents shouldn’t really be there – it’s all too personal and fibre diets jokes for my liking. Alfie is coming home and of course the Proudmans want a family celebration – something that both Nurse Nasty and I agree is crazy idea.

Doc Martin and Cherie seems to have shifted gears pretty quickly, now living together with Cherie’s Proudman spawn. This is mega quick, after only recently putting away Darcy Dad as Ray 2.0 Dad potential.

Doc Eli is our new mystery Doc, and of course, people seem to think it’s a man due to the name then fake out 2 - it’s actually a woman. She’s young and looks to Nina for professionalism and leadership – Little Intern that’s a long wait for train that might never come.

Meanwhile at another hospital with less crazy and more hotness, we learn Patrick is now working with kids and Aussie women switch to ultra high swoon levels.

Yep, working with kids now - good luck ladies of Australia resisting me

Nina and Little Intern get onto rounds they get to witness the nurses station now patent pending salty banter and complete lack of respect for Nina – HR would have a field day with the barbs being tossed about. Cherie continues to overshare with EVERYONE about her entire life. I think Cherie needs non work friends so the hospital isn’t directly aware of her morning routine with Doc Martin.

Nina sees more patients than in all of Season Three and some wacky couple have weird photos, which is really an excuse to see Asher and Matt commit to some absolutely insane photos for laughs purpose.

OMG Sister with Dark Past We Never Address is back and she is dropping past bombs. Apparently Patrick used to make furniture – who knew? And Patrick talks of memories of the dead son, who we practically ignored last season but now realise might be super important to this character’s inner turmoil and growth. Seriously though, Patrick building furniture for future baby, sanding wood in a short sleeve tee – COME ON!

The Renovators would have worked with this type of casting Network Ten

Mick is back and ready to repay the sex debt and already, their coupledom is off balance – which despite my inner romance, I think is nice call back to how far they drifted apart last season. They stupidly delay reunion sex and of course, this won’t EVER come back to hurt them. Kudos to both actors for ripping through the lines with zing.

Doc Dad is almost single white femaled Darcy Dad out of his own family as we have Alfie’s welcome home party. Everyone is headed to the Proudman Party of What Will No Doubt Be Issues Buffet. Inexplicably at the family function: Doc Martin and Cherie. Because dating the woman who banged the not biology Dad is an immediate invitation to intimate family gathering now.  There is some sexy gazing across babies and kids between Nina and Patrick. And after a very thorough Proudman party with flashes, with food, wine, and photo taking everyone realises Darcy Dad was forgotten.

Forgot to invite: painter, plumber, accountant and oh YEAH  YOUR DAD!

The Proudman family completely undo the party in effort to make Darcy Dad believe it was an impromptu gathering – because that ruse will hold for about 5 minutes in the blabbermouth Proudman household. This includes Nina and Patrick committing to re-arriving in the Volvo Product Placement and the Proudman ladies completely overselling their ‘we’ve never been here before’ bit. Everyone else re-arrives and shares knowing, crazy loaded stares – that are not subtle at all.

Billie is trying to wildly signal Mick that she’s struggling with baby poolza but he doesn’t see it and their imbalance is still there. Darcy Dad cottons on very quickly and Nina is the one to comfort him, and Darcy does look flat – seriously John Waters physically commits to the alone and down thing. He feels like the only the single person at the party and wants to wallow a little bit. Darcy Dad been there – keep the wine flowing, and drop loads of free time and disposable income comments.

Billie is decides that she needs to counsel Patrick and Nina about their relationship mid party and then it turns in a Proudman family counselling session for Nina and her life. It’s almost as if this whole thing was about Nina and only her story (oh wait). Constant talk of babies and parents and all anyone can say is babies, mothers, parenting and Billie is sadly, quietly, breaking down in the background. Kat Stewart can certainly hit the moments of subtle grace when she needs to and break hearts.

It's like I'm the supporting actor on the Nina Damn Proudman show! 

Billie and Mick escape to the sad strums of acoustic guitar and Billie’s tears. iPhone of Doom tries to beckon her but no damn it Nina, Billie wants to wallow. Billie tries to commit to the sex marathon, admirable as it may be but tears get in the way. Still she can’t, and the Mick that I know and love is BACK! Supportive, admiring of his wife’s spine and beauty and just a generally all round good bloke. THANK GOD!

Mick: awesome husband has returned! Feisty Orange affair be gone!

Meanwhile Nina and Patrick returns the Melbourne apartment of everyone’s inner city dreams. Where Nina has made a mood board of her life in coloured post it notes but realises that she’s trying to be super sensible to her absolute nuttiness.

A bang at the gate and Billie arrives, to demonstrate that their house is a death trap for kids. Showing that she is in fact supportive and offering to help get them a place together. Billie spots the mood board and realises that actually Nina and Patrick are working on their relationship and sister pride ensues. It’s awkward for Patrick I’m sure, as his not-sister in law steps up examine Nina’s feelings about their flaws and insecurities. Definitely a way to literally lay it all out there. After some post it notes of emotional revelations all is better.

The next morning on the corner of hipster and incredibly wealthy, Patrick and Nina share a smooch over coffee (I’d pash anyone, girl or boy for bringing me coffee) and Little Intern spots them and ominous clunky music of Patrick’s dark history tells us Little Intern is NOT happy to see him. She’s got her own truth bomb to drop. I’m torn between drug dealer, Volvo dealer or pissed off green sheet dealer.

Katniss Everdeen's pissed about something

At work Little Intern, asks some questions about Doc Patrick that raises the suspicions of Tell It Like It Nurse and then we’re left with her ‘I have a giant soap opera connection to your man’ face following Nina down the hall.

Previews for the rest of the season tell us Billie cries over lots of boxes (rumours of a Mick death, if proven true will absolutely be a shark jump moment for me), Patrick may or may not know Little Intern and It May or May Not Be Important. 

It's Almost Time to Offspring and Top 5 Scandal Moments to Get You Hooked

We've got less than a week to go people! I sadly missed the 24 hour period that the first episode was available on Facebook to see for free but Fee, in comments of my last post tells me that she watched and it's good! I'm kind of glad to be going in fresh, although I have been reading last seasons recaps just remind myself of the plot and also the lingo I'm attempting to make happen. We can't the Chris Havel Memorial Balcony just be a balcony - then Chris would have moved to Brisbane in VAIN!

I was asked on Twitter (I'm @FlossAus) if I'll be live tweeting the episodes and yes, I probably will be but I also write my first draft of the recap as the episode airs so I'm a little slower on the draw. Basically Ten really need to get me a episode preview so I can live tweet then immediately post my recap.

All this is just to say, yep, Wednesday is firmly in my calendar, I'm excited, although I can already see that the costume department might want to work on Nina's fake bump as it's awfully basketball in the promo shots.

Yes, Mrs Proudman, you have a lot of questions to answer!

While you're waiting for Offspring to return, can I suggest watching Scandal. It's a Shonda Rimes show at the season two pinnacle of a Shonda Rimes show. Remember how amazingly addictive Grey's Anatomy was in Season 2. Meredith, McDreamy and his wife were duking it out, there were bombs threats, dying Denny's and just already soap opera heightened emotions of good times.

This is that, but more! It's super speed paced, tear through plot, sexy as all bugger and with AMAZING clothes instead of scrubs. Quick pitch: Kerry Washington is a crisis management in DC but also in love/sleeping with The President. His wife is a class A bitch and his chief of staff manipulatively brilliant. There is lots of double crossing, betrayals and secrets but it's fun and a great way to zoom through an hour while attractive people bicker articulately and then sex it up in Oval Office.

My Top 5 Moments to Hook You:

During a flashback to the campaign, we see how Liv can sleep with him but still go toe to toe when she needs to. Also Tony Goldwyn does hot sexy enraged so well!



Another flashback, this is one of those epic declarations of love of two people who are in it too fiercely but lord is that intensity sexy.


So they'd planned to stop sleeping together when he got to the White House and then it he got all 'roll up my sleeves and look sexily at the Oval Office desk.'



They do stop and she leaves the White House to set up Pope and Associates, which is the present that the series is set. Another fierce fight/romantic moment that this show deals in on a daily basis.



And this flashback clip here (YT won't let me embed, silly YouTube) of how the flirting goes just a little bit further, again in an incredibly hot WAY.