Dear Online Dating DoucheBag

I wasn't planning to discuss my love life - really, because there isn't much to discuss - but just because this was supposed to be a less introspective blog. Still, after just experiencing a very strange/normal encounter, I can only repeat it for sheer 'I told you myself-ness.'

Where is this key?

I'm an internet dater, not ashamed to admit. Combination of not hitting the bars so much and also living my work both professionally and coming home to write more. Anyway, I've recently been emailing Douchebag as he is now known. Perfectly okay guy but a few instincts flared - firstly, claiming a job that seemed a bit unrealistic, and then ick factor of immediately launching into phrases such as 'Hey Cutie' ... 'Hi Sexy' without a real invitation to. After a few conversations with this littered all over the convo, I thought, I'm calling him on it - witness the below transcript your Honour.

First the message left for me after we'd missed each other chatting:

DB said Hey spunky.....Im on ever night....but only for you xxxx

The transcript of tonight's convo:

DB said So, what else you been up to? - I was looking at your pics, and didnt realise you were soo cute...

You said Charmer...also slightly skeezy? I don't mean to offend, just seems to be coming on a little strong? If you're looking for just a hookup, no harm, no foul - that's just isn't me. [Sorry for offloading - I'm in a very direct mood tonight]

DB said Well thats cool....not looking to sound skeezy.....

You said Sorry, it's just I've run into a few dodgy guys on here, so I'm a tad sceptical about it and with no tone, I'm probably reading them far differently than you intend

DB said yes, perhaps you are

 

And then he disconnected the chat and basically hauled ass away from me!?

 

My immediate reaction was of course - knew it! Do you think I was too direct?  

Dear Qantas

I fly a lot, mostly domestic, but recently I went international. I like our national carrier - I really do. I think generally they do a good job and get over analysed because people expect so much for so little these days. Two years ago when I flew to Europe, due to technical difficulties my Christmas Eve flight was cancelled, and Qantas handled it beautifully, having hotel rooms ready, moving me to the another more direct flight without any hassle and when I returned, offering me 20,000 extra points for the inconvenience. Well done!

Recently I flew to LA on the beautiful new A380 - a plane that defies gravity. It's clean, quiet (suffer to those people who dolled out cash on the noise cancelling headphones!) and despite being cozy in economy, a very nice plane to travel on. I even understand the cozy economy requirements - financially of course they need to make as much as possible, especially when due to a medical emergency on the way there, my A380 had to dump all its fuel and turn back to Sydney after only an hour or so (that's a LOT of fuel my friends!).

All that being said, I can not excuse the flight home. I was flying from LA into Sydney via Brisbane. We arrived nice and early to LAX and checked in with a surly American Airlines lady. She mentioned that the plane was completely full, in fact they'd oversold it, and I offered if they needed to switch to the Sydney flight. Let it be known, at no point did I mention/hint at/directly ask for an upgrade for the switch, I was actually just trying to be helpful and it would have saved me a few more hours on a plane. She very tersely told me that wasn't her department and I should talk to the ladies in the Qantas Club, which I'm member.

In the Qantas Club (which was actually the American Airlines lounge), the specific Qantas employee had decided that with two hours before the Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane flights departed, she'd take her break. Now, I don't begrudge a break, not at all, but wouldn't the peak inquiry time from your customers not be the best moment to go MIA? Anyway, she returned and once again, I offered to switch if they needed to get more people onto the Brisbane flight. Again, I was told in no uncertain terms that my offer wasn't required. Fine, I'll go with all the Brisbanites - no drama.

Until, I got on the plane that is. While the Sydney and Melbourne passengers hoped on the lovely new planes, poor Brisbane bound passengers, got on what has to be the oldest 747 Qantas have in their fleet. The seats were literally falling apart, as witnessed in my row by the fraying cloth and my table, which had its own weapon included. Seriously, if I'm going to spend an hour in security queues then don't tease me with a stabby weapon. The worst was my arm rest - the cover would constantly fall off, and while trying to sleep, I'd wake to find a nice jabbing in my arm - good times. Then of course, on a 14 hour flight, the entertainment system shut down - our entire row, could not watch any TV at all, which I'm sorry, on long haul flights is one of the only things to distract you from the long haulness of it. This was a common complaint from many people during the flight, the tiredness of the plane, the breaking equipment, the bathrooms that had definitely seen better days.

The staff were lovely and the food was food, but really Qantas, you can't expect people to fly on that broken down excuse for a plane for 14 hours, and not look at the interior and think 'if this is how the seats are cared for, wonder what the engine's like?' I'm all for dance flash mobs to celebrate the new 747 Sydney to the Perth leg, but maybe the flash mobs money could be redirected to maintenance and upkeep.

Dear Offspring

Straight off the bat I have to admit: I have a long standing love hate relationship with Australian drama, well, really it's mostly hate. I arrived back in Australia to find a country IN LOVE with Claudia Karvan and The Secret Life of Us. It was seriously deafening, and everyone could not stop telling me how GREAT this series was, how it was the BEST thing ever and of course, expectation totally defeated it and I never loved it the way people wanted me to. It's not just Secret Life though, it's Blue Heelers, Packed to the Rafters, Sea Patrol and all that go along with it.

So, Offspring, of course had so much against it in my book before it even started. Still, I watched it and was immediately ENRAGED! Nina Proudman was the most crazy, insecure, wishy washy ass character, who babbled moronically and had some weird ex-husband who liked to send bomb threats. She had the requisite eccentric Australian family, with everyone 'delightfully' mad and unique. And she had the love interest that was clearly going to be a whole season of longing looks - which I'd be fine with, if it didn't include the voiceover of insecurity questioning every decision ever made. I was out before the third episode.

But then, a funny thing happened towards the end of the first season. Firstly the Network Ten promo department did an excellent job at luring me back in with the whole Nina sleeps with the sister's ex-boyfriend scenario - bonus points that was it Eddie Perfect and he is deliciously hilarious and the only thing I really enjoyed. Then it was the two punch of brilliance. 1) Actual action on the romance front for Nina and Dr Chris and them both expressing feelings out loud to each other and looking like, despite obstacles, they might get together. 2) Eddie Perfect and the apology song: Six at Best.



That was hands down - the funniest moment of the series.

So I was back on board, keen to see how the cliffhanger of romance between Nina and Dr Chris would be solved, keen to see more lovely Eddie Perfect.

Then Season Two came and lordy be. Firstly, Dr Chris NO WHERE TO BE SEEN! (Dr Chris' expression above: MINE TOO!) Okay, sure actor Don Hany had taken off for LA and that made it hard, but a whole season of unresolved sexual tension was resolved with a crappy flashback montage and LETTER saying sorry, no can do with you! A LETTER! A FREAKING LETTER!

Then, in an effort to make up for this lack of romance, Nina is now tearing her way through the fellas. The young hot doc, the awkward heart doc and now her shady background doc. Kat Stewart each week swings between hysterical harpy to tough on surface, sweet underneath girl. The brother, continues to be 'eccentric' for no real reason and I can't even fathom the parents and their crazy antics.

Still, after all this, I still find myself watching? I can't explain it really, I see the very good promo, I think, maybe this week, maybe Nina will stop over narrating everything, maybe she'll stop using men as the ultimate judge and jury, maybe Kat Stewart will not scream like banshee in public, maybe I'll see more of Eddie Perfect and maybe I'll see less of the rest of the characters. It never happens, and I'm left annoyed and frustrated but still, Nina, you drag me back each week with hope.

Dear Eating Alone

I'm often eating alone, thanks to the nature of my work and when I travel, I find myself with less companion choices. Last night, in a foreign city, I again found myself in the familiar world of dining alone. Sure, I could have stayed locked away in my hotel room and ordered room service, and that was definitely tempting but I put on my brave shoes and stepped out into the world instead.

Eating alone is often described as the ultimate test of one's personality. How strong are you to handle it? How much can you stand your own company? Well, sure that's all true but sometimes it's just because you have to and that's the choice your left with. So here are my expert eating alone tips.

1) Take a Book
I know people (Carrie Bradshow included) say it's better to enjoy one's company and without a book, it's more enjoyable. Sure that's fine and all, but after ten minutes of looking around, it gets kinda boring. And yes, people watching is excellent, but your dining companions don't really appreciate you staring at them, like some puppy from the pet store window. Also, having a book allows you to eavesdrop on some pretty good converastions without having to look awkwardly away and pretend to not be doing it.

2) Don't drink heaps
No one wants to be the sad drunk girl eating alone. I'm all for a glass or two, but I think if you're sauced, sitting alone, it can only lead to sad stares from people.

3) Own It
Enjoy the cool factor, because people will notice and if you are enjoying your own company, they'll be jealous, they'll be mystified and they'll think you're pretty cool - especially if you're rocking an accent.

4) Be Friendly to Wait Staff
They're probably admiring your dining efforts so be friendly with them. Listen to the specials, don't whisper ashamedly your order. Don't ever be apologetic about your solo status, don't accept crappy service because you're just one - you deserve their attention just as much!

5) Order Whatever You Damn Well Want
Including, especially dessert. You more than deserve a piece of cake and don't think people will judge badly. In fact, they'll probably love you having cake and think, man I wish I could sit with the cool girl eating cake on her own.

6) Don't Phone a Friend
If you spend the whole meal calling everyone in your phone book, you're not really alone are you? Sure, it can be tempting but then it just reeks of desperation, of the sheer terror of being left alone. Also, how annoying for the person sitting next to you?!

Basically, the rules of eating alone are simple. Do it and enjoy it, relax with a book, eat your meal at the pace you want and don't be rushed by others (take that waitress who tried to rush me and my cake last night) and simply just have a nice time.

Dear The Moment for Buffy

There is always a moment. A moment when you go from being a casual fan, to a fully immersed fanatic. It could be a book, a movie, a TV show - anything really. It's that moment, that your brain clicks and you become really connected to the characters, you become big time invested in what they do, how they're treated and how they let themselves be treated.

Buffy is for me, still one of my very most favourite shows - ever! I can actually proudly say I was a fan before it was really cool to like Buffy. I would stay up at late to watch episodes shown months after the US had seen them. And there was a moment that turned me. The moment that made me write fan-fiction, the moment that made me learn to write basic HTML (yep, I was an undercover tech nerd girl) and create a Buffy fan site (The Stacks and hosted by Geocities - God I'm old).

That moment:



It's just heartbreaking. The crack in her voice, the honest despair at facing death when most people her age are full of life, the desperation of being locked into her fate.

This is That Moment that turned me into an uber Buffy because I loved the idea of a hero so vulnerable, a hero who despite getting to rock Whedon gems every week, was still a sixteen year old high school student who didn't want to die. It is something I still carry with me today (especially in my writing!).

I'll explore more Moments with other fandoms I'm invested in but I want to ask, what was your moment? For any fandom?

Dear TV Crushes of Today

Jim Halpert, (John Krasinski) The Office

Admittedly, I'm far more partial to John Krasinski, the actor who plays Jim, but it was Jim that wooed me in. Jim, of the pining, longing love for Pam, his co-worker in the US version of The Office. Before you all tell me how much superior the UK version is blah, blah, I say this. I say it's a different show - yes the horrible redux of Season One in which they basically repeated the UK episodes verbatim is bad, but Season Two becomes something else and the show takes off!

Central to it all is the heart of The Office and that's thanks to Jim and Pam. Best friends and cohorts who denied their feelings for a LONG time, John Krasinski's mastered the loving from afar look and the unspoken heartbreak to the camera shot - in fact, his performance in the Season Two finale episode Casino Night, in which he professes his love and is awkwardly rejected is heartbreaking - I cried!

But beyond The Office, John is all the best bits of Jim. Adorkably cute, funny and able to give some of the most charming TV chat show interviews (I defy you to watch any of his Ellen or Jimmy Kimmel interviews and not smile). And he got the hot girl - marrying Emily Blunt last year, they both appear settled and normal and I want to be adopted by them (sorry Mum and Dad) so we can hang out together and play practical jokes on Jimmy Kimmel and visit George Clooney at Lake Como as they are want to do. 

Rick Castle/Capt. Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion), Castle/Firefly

Again following a trend, I'm partial to anything Nathan Fillion does but especially his Firefly work. As a Joss Whedon fanatic, I was shocked to see I'd missed this series when it first began but after weirdly seeing an episode and adoring it without knowing who was behind it, I was entranced. And of course, a big part of my adoration was Capt Malcolm Reynolds. Sarcastic, surly, closed off yet fiercely loyal, deeply protective and underneath, a man's man who would stand his ground in any battle he believed in.

After Firefly was cancelled (don't even get me started!) and the followup film Serenity screened, I kept following Mr Fillion. From his charming cheating doctor in Waitress to remembering I'd love him way back when as firefighter Johnny in Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Place (yep, the same one with Ryan Reynolds).

Then came Castle, a crime procedural for sure, but it made perfect use of Fillion's off-screen persona. His character is part charm, part playboy, part ego-driven man-child but he plays it with such fun and fearlessness that each Sunday night (despite my better intentions), I'm watching the latest episode. They have just ended Season Three in the US on a doozy of a cliffhanger and Nathan got to bring some of his hang dog puppy love looks to his female partner and for a TV show with a unresolved chemistry heavy plot, they just had a really frank discussion about their non-couple status - it was AWESOME and I squealed like every fan girl should.

Coach Taylor, (Kyle Chandler), Friday Night Lights

It was so close between Riggins and Coach Taylor but if we're talking about TV character crushes then Coach Taylor edged out Tim (sorry!). As an introduction to Coach Taylor, Kyle Chandler for those not familiar stole the show in the mega-Grey's Anatomy episode Code Black as the bomb squad captain who asked Meredith to picture someone else when removing the bomb. He was awesome and then he was blown up - silly Grey's!

If we're talking salt of the earth, simple man, with simple dreams and a sexy as hell southern drawl then we of course, can only be talking about Coach Taylor. Aside from being the central focus of this AMAZING television series, Coach Taylor was the moral compass for the show. He'd stray sometimes in the wrong direction but when he was focused and on it, so was the show. His speeches to the team, be they in a locker room, on the field or at his front door when they showed up for counsel at all hours were the best combination of poetry and manhood.

He was also part of the best portrayal of marriage on screen. It was real and honest and the Taylors fought over much but always were safe in the knowledge that they loved each other, they wanted each other and despite struggling with their own desires wanted the best for each other.

The last episode of the series had me weeping because yes, it was over but I was going to have to say goodbye to these characters - especially the Taylors. Coach Taylor, with his sunglasses, a protective barrier to the world. Coach Taylor with his hilarious and tender father/son relationship with Saracen. Coach Taylor with his odd couple friendship with Buddy Garrity. Coach Taylor: full eyes, clear hearts, can't lose.


Runners Up in the Now Crush Bracket:
Ianto Jones (Gareth David-Lloyd), Torchwood
Eric Northman, (Alexander Skarsgård), True Blood
Marshall Eriksen, (Jason Segel), How I Met Your Mother

Dear TV Crushes from the early to mid 2000's

Joshua Lyman (Bradley Whitford), The West Wing

As I got older, so did my men and so did their problems. Welcome to the complicated, hilarious, determined, arrogant, egotistical, vulnerable world of one Joshua Lyman. A man whose swagger both literal and metaphoric created a legion of female fans. If men were to have a 'smart' sex symbol in the 90's with Dana Scully, the ladies got their own back in the mid-2000's with Josh Lyman.

Thanks to the amazing words from Aaron Sorkin and the Peter Pan infused performance from Bradley Whitford, Josh was everything I desired - wait, still desire. He was wounded and brooding on occasion, whipfast smart always and that perfect balance of ego driven brilliance (as opposed to being ego driven jackass) and vulnerable man with wounded soul. Often described by his peers as the best among them (just never to his face), he only ever wanted to be the 'guy' that other could depend on and at times worked himself to extremes to achieve this goal.

Then of course, there was his Girl Friday inspired romance with his assistant Donna Moss. It was seven years of banter fuelled fun and misinterpretations and while it killed me as a fan, it never became old or Ross and Rachel-esque. At the conclusion of this amazing show, the interview Bradley Whitford and Janel Maloney did with Backstage magazine, basically summed up their relationship.

"In our relationship, I was always the hotshot Washington kid who needed a lot of ego to function, and people assumed I was in charge--when the truth was I couldn't have done anything without her."
-- Bradley Whitford

"I decided early on that this was a passionate, deep love relationship where my character was mad, head over heels in love."
-- Janel Moloney

He was also sporting possibly the sexiest white man backside in TV at the time. And ladies who know, will support me that when he rolled up his sleeves to get to work, those forearms - WOWSER! And those dimples to this very day, still kill me.



Logan Echolls (Jason Dohring), Veronica Mars

From one damaged man to another! Logan was more snark, more sarcasm and more deep vulnerabilities thanks to a completely messed up family. But boy did he love our legendary Veronica, who challenged his masochistic tendencies and loved him inspite and maybe because of his failings.

From the wealthy side of Neptune, with an abusive alcoholic, sleeping with your girlfriend murdering father and a missing presumed dead mother, he was bound to be messed up. But with Veronica, he was slightly calmed without ever being a converted puppy dog. He was always acting first thinking later, from his blind early hatred of Veronica based on misunderstandings, to carrying a gun to protect her from thugs who meant harm. Of course, he had an acid tongue which could be both hilarious and harsh and cause humour and heartbreak and when he wasn't being the best badass boyfriend around, he could be plotting your downfall just as easily.

The first two seasons of Veronica Mars, were chock full of the epic romance of LoVe (Logan and Veronica's portmanteau) from secret romances, to surprise party discoveries to make out session in girls bathrooms to violent (for the Mars lounge lamps only) breakups and then anti-prom declarations. And you know what, Wikipedia agrees with me, Logan Echolls is referenced in both Breakout Character status and Supercouple - that's a gold stamp of TV Crush approval right there.

A Teaser Trailer for a Book Not Published

Just a little something to promote my yet to be published, yet to be signed book. Really, my cart is definitely before my horse, my egg before my chicken, my season finale before my premiere - you get the picture. But I love creating trailers and to actually do it for my own stuff was both horrifically scary and easy at the same time.

The Proclaimed Teaser from FlossAus on Vimeo.

Dear TV Crushes from mid to late 90's

Noel Crane (Scott Foley),  Felicity

Noel, my blessed! He was the sweeter, less moody and less whispery part of the triangle of Felicity and Ben. Before you claimed Edward or Jacob (or didn't), you were either ardently for Noel or lusting for Ben - there was no middle ground. Felicity was constantly flipping between the two fellas and while we shared the same name and hairstyle (until she went crazy and cut her hair, and that cut the ratings!) but we never shared a hesitation over sweet, put it out there and tell the girl he loves her Noel (*cough* indecisive Ben *cough*).

Noel was Felicity's RA in her New York college dorm, and from the suburbs of Australia it all sounded so COOL and of course, it made me want to go to New York and hang out at Dean and Deluca. For extra bonus points Scott Foley married Jennifer Garner, before she was actually Jennifer Garner - take that Ben Affleck.

Angel (David Boreanaz ), Buffy The Vampire Slayer

If you wanted wounded and brooding, if you wanted tortured and lost then in the late 90's you looked no further than Angel. A vampire with a soul, who falls in love with the Slayer, this all happened at a time when vampires weren't cool and Buffy aired sporadically at best in Australia, on Seven at 11.30pm at night. Didn't stop me sitting captivated in front of my television for the epic Season Two of Buffy, when people turned evil and hearts were broken. As the series progressed so did David's acting skills (although his Irish accent has always been horribly shaky) and the starcrossed lovers continually played out the on and off relationship, leaving Buffy/Angel shippers with plenty of fan-fiction to write. David still has a soft spot in my heart and I'll admit to watching a bit of Bones to see him in action, if only because you see him smiling more than Angel ever got to do.

Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson), Dawson's Creek

PACEY! The ultimate Floss crush, I LOVED (correction love) Pacey, like stalker love him. He was the sassy best friend to earnest and twee Dawson, who got to bed his teacher in season one and not have it appear weird. He got the mentally unstable Andie as his romantic interest in season two, but it also became his year to shine, a sarcastic anti-hero compared to Dawson and his whiny, self-involved crap. Season Three saw Pacey swoop in and create the magic triangle in which both Dawson and Pacey competed for her heart. Clearly the writers could see the chemistry between Josh and Katie that was heads above the weird brother/sister dynamic of Katie and James Van Der Beek.

What sent the fan girls wild for Pacey was his underdog, underachiever yet wanting so much more status. He was guys guy, playing practical jokes and organising parties with a mischievous grin. He was the supportive friend to all, standing up for gay Jack to a homophobic teacher, collecting girls from all parts of fictional New England while they dated idiots. He was the heart on his sleeve boyfriend who fell hard - he remembered everything she said, he kissed her first, he wrote on FREAKING WALL asking Joey to stay! The rest of Dawson's Creek was spent trying to keep Joey and Pacey apart which was crazy because why would you ever want to go elsewhere?

As a side note: Joshua Jackson has since become a fully fledged adult hottie. He's charmingly in love with Diane Kruger, openly admits that she, the fashion queen she is, dresses him. He's on a cult cool show, and he hasn't forgotten his awesome teen soap days - having a Pacey-Con outside at Comic-Con and reading fan-fiction and playing 'I Don't Wanna Wait' loudly. He's just AWESOME all over.

Runners Up in the Mid-to-Late 90's Crush bracket:
Bailey Salinger (Scott Wolf), Party of Five.
Max Evans (Jason Behr), Roswell
Newt Call (Scott Bairstow), Lonesome Dove: Outlaw Years.

Dear TV Crushes from Late 80's/Early 90's

Jonathan Brandis, Seaquest DSV

Awwh, what a cutie right? He was my first ever TV crush, so innocent and sweet and with really, really pretty hair. The show Seaquest DSV, was my first foray into futuristic worlds and of course, I loved it and it was probably a sign of things to come. The character of Lucas wasn’t all that special; he was the token kid of the craft and didn’t really have any romantic storylines – thank goodness because I probably would have cut the girl!

Sad footnote, childhood superstardom took its toll on Jonathan and he passed away in 2003. RIP

Dexter Fletcher, Press Gang

SPIKE! And don’t judge the jacket kids, because he was part of the super couple of Spike and Linda (thankfully in a time before couple hybrid names became the norm: imagine the horror of shipping Spinda?!). This couple was fiery, banter filled awesome, with Linda the control freak Editor and Spike the wise cracking reporter who rocked Ray Bans before everyone else. Linda and I also shared the same hairdo so I thought it was only a hop, step and skip to my very own Spike.

They shared some of the best back and forth dialogue, with my most favourite episode being the reunion of the super couple, after he secretly returned from America to the UK – sparks really fly from minute two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBihA7_fSPA&feature=related

 It was hot, they were hot, and I shipped them BAD!

Sully, Dr Quinn Medicine Woman

Do I even need to explain? I’m mean come on, he’s got flowing locks, he’s on a horse, and carrying a wounded soul and a weapon! Sully was the non-Native American, Native American who supported Dr Michaela in convincing the Western town to support her in her efforts to be a Doctor. He was also sporting the mega burden of having his wife die tragically in child birth and spent many an episode looking soulful and sad. He was quiet and softly spoken, yet manly and could defend Dr. Mike’s honour like a badass. The chemistry was so smouldering that Jane Seymour tapped Joe Lando for a few seasons off screen as well as on screen.

Dean Cain, Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman

Now Dean Cain is a sad sidenote to Teri Hatcher but back then he was SUPERsexy. He made the cover of my science folder and lord knows, I never did any work. The character of Clark Kent was very vanilla and actually it was the will they, won’t they aspect that was hot and the show suffered terribly once they joined them together but still, Dean was at the time, a super buff leading man, who often looked broodingly at Lois and as you’ll come to realise, I can’t resist a brooder!

Part Two of My TV Crushes is when I become a WB poster child, worshipping Angel, Noel (forget Ben) and the almighty transcendent Pacey Witter.