Monday, January 16, 2012

Dear Golden Globes Red Carpet

I love Award Shows, LOVE THEM! From the local Logies, Brownlow and others to the Emmy's, Globes and big daddy of them all The Oscars. I love over-analysing people's reactions to winners, I love trying to lip read celebrities on the red carpet and I love the assured shameless C grade star who will no doubt over dress in an effort to be noticed (I'm looking squarely at you Bryn!).

In past online life, I ran a little celebrity fashion blog and the spirit of Harsh Light of Day is with me tonight as I dust off the old judgemental fingers and take a peek at those on red carpets today.

Alexander Skarsgaard

Damn! You can thank me later.

Will Arnett & Amy Poehler

The couple that photo bombs together, stays together

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt

Welcome Mr and Mrs Ambassador's to Canada or Denmark or Japan or any other country that is red and white.

Anne Heche

Do you think everyone at the after parties just stares at her and whispers behind their Sav Blancs 'there is the crazy, pretended for a bit lesbian that broke Ellen's heart?'


Claire Danes

The more I saw, the more I liked. I was far more concerned with the lack of Dancy by her side but when she thanked him in her acceptance speech, I was put at ease - thanks Claire. PS Homeland = awesome.

Clive Owen

Damn! You can thank me later.

Colin Firth

Damn Mr Darcy! You can thank me later.

Emma Stone

I LOVE YOU! It's now reaching in-appropriate levels of girl-crush with Emma and I think she may re-think a visit to this country based on my love alone. Sorry everyone for ruining it for us.

Erin Wasson

And here is the C grade wannabe desperate for the limelight. This dress won't attract any attention at all.


Ewan McGregor

Damn! You can thank me later.

George Clooney

Oh George you hilarious man you! You are a block of charm, air quotes and raised eyes Bachelor-hood delight.

Jon Hamm

Damn Hamm! You can thank me later.

John Stamos

Damn Uncle Jesse! You can thank me later.

Lea Michele & Cory Montieth

And now begin discussing are they now dating? Is the hand too loose and therefore not affectionate enough or is it a decoy limp hand? Is her demure face being coy with a secret or HEY REPORTERS I HAVE A SECRET!

Linday Lohan

See, look everyone, I'm totally fine, all good, very normal now. Life is A-OK and I am back on track, seriously, everyone I am. Please hire me, I promise, I'll be good, I won't steal anything and I totally come to work, I swear. I am on the complete straight and narrow, the up and up. I am good to go! Please, insurance companies will come around, they will and remember how WAY back when I was a good actress, like WAY back when. Wait, don't go, please listen, Robert Downey Jnr, you like him now, come on!

Michael Fassbender

You know you're the hottest fella in the room when Clooney is congratulating you in an acceptance speech and letting the world know you're rocking a big penis. Also - DAMN MAGNETO! You can totally thank me later.

Mirand Kerr & Orlando Bloom

The dress is awful but Miranda, you bought along Legolas so I'll give you a pass.

Nicole Richie

Love it. She has totally sorted herself out and made having a jewellery line not a just a celebrity tax evasion scheme but an actually thing.

Reese Witherspoon

I don't think she'll ever recover from the show stopping, amazing, eff you Ryan Phillippe canary yellow cocktail dress of awesome a few years ago. This certainly isn't helping.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

This is going to shock the hell out of some people but I really like this. Especially after the SEA of nudes, bieges and tan dresses that were all identical. And SMG is looking happy and smiling and just pleased to be out and about as opposed to sad sack Dicaprio or Wiig or the many other poutters who looked as if they were being dragged to a slaughter house and not a fully catered for, industry piss up with gift bags and limos.

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