Torchwood Fan Fiction: I'm In It

Title: I’m In It
Author: Published as Finn AUS
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: G
Summary: Ianto muses on his feelings for Jack.
Spoilers: Season 2 ish, but nothing specific.
Disclaimer: Two very developed characters shouldn’t have to sit on the shelf for a whole week. I promise BBC, I’ll return them.
Feedback: YES please!
Author Note: A little Ianto angsty musing, in response mainly to many naysayers who feel the Janto shippers are fantasists because of the ‘happy ending’ fan fics out there. I’m not so black/white and shades of grey is where the fun stuff lives but I thought I’d take at stab at Ianto’s realistic feelings.

I’m in it. I don’t believe in fairytales or sunset endings, in fact I’m pretty sure one, or both of us is going to get wrecked by this, but it’s too late, I’m in it.

It wasn’t supposed to go this far, this was a hobby, a dabbling into something new. I was completely content in a part time shag. Then you went and had to be all you, bustling ego encasing a wounded soul.

In the beginning, it wasn’t supposed to mean anything. Just passing time. Then you went and died. And I didn’t completely fall apart like last time. This was different, it hit harder and felt deeper. And that was just five minutes until you regained breath.

Still, I didn’t believe it of myself. Certain experiences hardened me, and while the pain I went through over her wasn’t welcomed, it has turned me into who I am. And I’m not the boy wonder who needs someone to hold his hand. I’m not the glassy eyed tea boy who moons over his boss.

You left and for days later, hell weeks later, I was furious, and sure I’ll admit – jealous. Then you came back, all strut and swagger and that’s when I knew, I was in it.

I don’t expect the same from you but occasionally, I glance it in your eyes, see it in a smile, feel it in a touch. And of course, you’ve made it incredibly frustrating by having increasingly complex relationships. Still, ex-lovers, unrequited loves and plain old work colleagues aside – I’m in it.

I’ll be a place for you to seek refuge, relief or whatever you damn well please. Because life and death, doesn’t mean anything without it. And the impending, imploding ending that waits patiently for us, can wait just a bit longer.

Because I’m in it.