West Wing Fan Fiction: Did You Know?

Title: Did You Know?
Author Note: A dual narrative little piece about what Donna and Josh were really thinking during Donna's terrible interview with Josh for a position in the Santos team.
Author Note 2: This was never published in the fan-fiction community.


Did you know?

How hard it was to walk in with my head held high. To walk through five hundred people, many guessing my reasons for being there, many if not most making assumptions about you and I. For me to walk into that building and retain any sense of pride was difficult enough, and then you appeared in the doorway. I was for a moment transported back to New Hampshire, preparing to beg for a job, but this was different, it had to be.

Did you know?

I spent most of the morning distracted, agitated. I studied the file hourly, trying to excuse the many statements, mentally preparing how to defend hiring you. But there was nothing I could say that would justify it to myself or my colleagues and all I could do was wait.

Did you know?

How hard it was for me to launch into my resume, always knowing it would never be enough. I could see it in your eyes the moment I clasped my hands together. What filled me with equal parts joy and disappointment was that there wasn’t pity in your eyes, there was sadness. Regret and remorse. And I felt it surge through me, but hoping bravado would sweep it aside I pushed ahead.

Did you know?

How proud I was that you have grown? I wanted to tell you that more than anything but as it has always been, I could never find the words. You sat in front of me, in another campaign almost eight years later, a completely different woman and yet it was the strongest sense of déjà vu I’ve ever experienced.

Did you know?

It was the longest silence in my life. My pitch over, my plea awaiting a response, there was silence that deafened the room. Could you hear it? At that moment, I wanted to say it’s not about the job, it’s about you. Proximity to you.

Did you know?

I felt like an executioner, the file was so hot in my hands. Politically this was right thing to do, personally I could barely speak the words. What continued to run through my mind, as I read aloud your quotes, was my mistake. How could I have been so involved to not notice how brilliant and talented and driven you were? To be so self-obsessed that you were forced to find some one who would believe in you, when from the moment I met you, I’ve believed in only dreams of beauty for you Donna.

Did you know?

I was humiliated. Mortified and not about what I’d said, because it was my job and I stand by it, but it was that you were right. You won and I had nothing that superseded that. So in a split moment of stupidity I attempted to regain ground. Suggesting you were afraid of my authority was the second best idiotic moment of my life, the first was quitting my job without giving you proper reason.

Did you know?

I slipped. I hadn’t meant to say it, but seeing you at my desk, asking for another chance, how could you not know? How could you sit there and think that every day and even many more before you left, I spent countless minutes and hours missing you. Missing something we never had.

Did you know?

I slipped. My voice broke and I couldn’t look at you anymore for fear of imploding. The chance to be near you again moved away and I felt the grief rushing toward me, I could barely be cordial enough to thank you for your time.