Offspring Recap: The Morning After Asher Keddie is Awesome

It’s the morning after, the BIG night and guess what people, we’re back in a bed to start the episode off – I seriously want Offspring producers/writers/ someone to confirm for me if this was a deliberate plan for this season. Nina wakes up, spread across the stranger’s bed and looks suitably mortified and mascara eyed (nothing worse that the Hollywood, I look terrible because one piece of hair has been teased).

Oh Dear GOD! Please be someone hot.

And she is feeling crap! Immediately seeking the tap of hangover relief and then clothes. Whoever Nina decided to have a one night stand, I applaud her ability to pick up an apparent hipster with money. The cafe down stairs could be handy Nina so don’t dismiss so easily, okay?

No judgement here: we've all been there.

Nina barely remembers the possible chips/souvlaki man - wow, picking up the only rich hipster food truck work, gold star work Nina. With flashbacks we learn Nina did in fact make it home and again, and Asher Keddie's commitment to this entire drunken night sequence is awesome and is capped off by the true laugh out loud reveal that she hits up the homeless shelter for food. Well done Offspring writers!

Adam the very kindly cafe/soup kitchen worker /saint who is never around when this happens to me (which it doesn't ever Mum, I hear things, from my other sisters) is catching Nina up on her nigh. In a nutshell she hits all the stages of perfect drunk-ness including tipsy home drinks, tree climbing physical comedy, awkward let’s not have sex talk, weeping my Dad isn’t my Dad confessions and post morning shame, empty wallet-ness and hunger in equal measures. (PS are my friends secretly writing for Offspring because the ‘I salute you is ripped straight from our late evening antics. Again, Mum, just stories, not me!) 

It's always such a good idea

Back in the present day, Patrick dials Mum, semi-worriedly looking for Nina while other things happen in the Proudman house that I'm not even going to discuss. The Brother, tribal: WTF!

Patrick chats it up with the nurses, still seeking Nina’s whereabouts and publically tests his theory that she is not avoiding his calls by ringing iPhone of Doom from the work desk and of courses Saint Adam answers. Without really explaining Saint Adam is awesome by giving details and sending Patrick a tizz, then a followup call back by Cherie, who also seems put off that Saint Adam knows intimate details of their lives.

Hello? This is the last man in Nina's pants speaking.

Nina arrives at work in her Saint Adam outfit and while trying to take subtle steps, attracts everyone's attention. Patrick follows and quizzes her with flirty/jealous questions. Damn it, Patrick, you and that sexy locker room grin have no business in Nina's bedroom stories.  Saint Adam arrives to return her iPhone of Doom and its mega awkward weird! Patrick does not respond well, the nurses however LOVE it.  Adam finds all the crazy zany antics from Nina, like all men before him, alluring and wants to see more of our girl. I’m very glad they label this show as fictional, because seriously.

What? Oh this subtle doctor guns right here, yep, all me baby.

After Saint Adam leaves, Patrick behaves like dick and is petty and name calling as he and Nina discuss more key snafus.

It's Patrick calling from Coward Town and Petty Phone Call Company

Feisty Orange is back for a 'gig' aka the Proudman family get togethers and major events excuse. After a minor insult from Mick, she opens the truth sass packet and this is more bonding bridge building that leads to affair town and I will not live there Offspring, just let it be known.

I can't believe New Zealand can't sort their shit out either!

 PS The Brother bullshit, is simply that, bullshit and fine he maybe learning to grow up FINALLY but three seasons and apartment break ins and penis tug necklace jokes too late.

Of course, Mama Proudman craziness includes inviting everyone in all of human history to this gig, including Doc Dad. Seriously, why didn't they invite Nina's non-biological runner up Dad and his family from a few episodes back. After a minor melt down, Nina checks her messages and there a few more messages of Patrick ringing many times to check on her. It's sad and sweet and tortured and just our perfect flavor of Patrick.

Dear Asher Keddie: you made this episode your bitch.

The Pub of Revelation has been dumped for the Northcote hotel, which has just skyrocketed in cool factor, thanks Offspring. Now people are going to try and justify Northcote to me. All the usual family drama occurs, nutshell: Mama Proudman totally effed up the Dad's getting together and along situation.

Everyone in Nina's life possibly ever has turned up (my invitation got lost in the mail), including Saint Adam, or is this possibly lonely Jesus? Evidence: do gooding off the charts and a seeming lack of friends and lots of free time.

Lonely Jesus and Nina friend-zoning

Patrick of courses chooses this moment to return keys and possibly ask to reunite with Nina, from his walk with intent. To the soundtrack of Feisty Orange's very appropriate song, we watch Patrick face a challenge with Nina and turn away in fear of hurt. Ok in the past I've mostly taken Patrick's side in the couple debates but here Patrick, you are a coward and if you don't man up and grow a pair of love balls then losing Nina is totally your fault.

In two minutes, I will cave like a wimp and run from the big emotions

Despite moving locations, it appears the Proudmans can’t enter any watering hole without drama, so Nurse Nasty goes into early labour. She is fine but needs close monitoring. The Brother is shaken up, but silver lining, it thankfully seems to have almost stopped a Feisty Orange/Mick pash.

You cut that gazing out Mister Perfect -  RIGHT NOW!

Then due to Ten's weird ad placement we seem to end abruptly again this week and next week, Offspring continues its run of scaring potential mothers with pregnant and delivery dramas coming for Nurse Nasty and The Brother.